RainingUnderwater

Pictures

2011-07-07T14:51:00.006-05:00

A Prayer from Work

2011-03-27T21:22:00.004-05:00

Oh Christ, be the center of my life. Be the center of my job, my marriage, my relationships. Be the center of this move down south, be the center of my finances and money, be the center of my relationship, interaction, and impact on Heather. Be the center of our preparation for this wonderful baby. Be at the center of my relationships and interactions with my coworkers, with my friends. Be the center of my work ethic. Be the center of my manhood, my happiness, my joy, my growth in You, my convictions. Oh Christ, You ARE the center of everything. You are the center of the universe, of nature, of the rising and setting of the Sun. You are the center of everything that happens in my life, big and small, good and bad. You are the center of my salvation. You are the center of my sanctification. You are the center of my rescue from sin. You are the center of every good gift and the provision of everything I need. You are the center of every meaningful conversation, You are the center of every heart that adores You. You are the center of Your Church. You are the center of the Bible. You are the center of every smile, every loving act, every good deed, every single selfless thought in any human mind always. You are the center of life. You are the center of sacrifice. You are the center of order, You are the center of history, You are the center of every earthly authority. You are the center of every life saved, every heavenly thought, every soul in Heaven. You are the center of Heaven, You are the center of Earth, You are the center of me. You are the center of me. .... Take away Jesus Christ... and we are left with none of these things. We are left with nothing.

Warning! Depressing Post! No, no it's not.

2010-07-31T21:30:00.003-05:00

Well it was a depressing day today, really. I don't want to get into all the details, but there were a lot of things that got me down today, and I think some days I just get down. I get real critical and grouchy. And right now my stomach hurts because of something else bothering me. Sometimes life gets you down really. But c'mon, that sounds so cheesy. I want God. I want more of him. I want more of his bigness. I want him to show me more about myself and the life I live with Heather. I want him to show me my sin. Yeah, it hurts, and sometimes, when you've gone a little while without having some major sins revealed, it hurts even more. It sucks a little when you start realizing all the ways you fail on an hourly basis, all the ways you sin, and even a lot of the ways that the people around you sin without realizing it, just like you. I want God to show me sin. We should see it right away, everywhere, and do something about it. Not just ignore it, change subjects, or laugh at it. It's about time I started getting sick of sin. I have forgotten that life is a battle against sin. A continual battle. I have so many big sins to deal with right now. Fear. Worry. Laziness. And those are just sins of commission. What about omission? Lack of love. For Heather, for my brother and parents, for my friends, for the people I don't know around me, for the people at work... Neglect of God's word. Neglect, failure, refusal, of sharing God's good truth with the unsaved people around me day by day. Neglect of dwelling on the Gospel and preaching it to myself and to Heather daily. And the failure of not treating sin like the evil it is. hmm. Yes I sin. I sin a lot. When you consider that it is a sin to not obey a commandment from God, and a commandment from God (the greatest one) is to love the Lord my God with all my heart, mind, and soul, and I rarely give my whole self in love to God, then I am sinning. I am actually sinning always, because I don't think I could ever give myself wholly in love to God and fulfill that commandment completely. I would have to be perfect. So is there a time when I don't have any sin in me at all? That's a big fat nope. Sooo I've created a pretty depressing mood haven't I? Well, that's not what life is thank God. Actually... the truth of the Gospel is that when we are most weak, He is made most strong (loose translation). In our weakness, Christ becomes clearer. Another loose translation: he who is forgiven much loves much. So are we to continue in sin, that grace may be greater? (another loose translation, I should just get my Bible) noooo We are to live a life pleasing to God. We should live in love to the one who rescued us from that sin. Okay let's get even better I'm still talking about things we should do... Christ died for us while we were yet sinners! While we were in constant sin, with zero goodness, Christ demonstrated his love for us to the fullest extent and in the clearest way. He saved us sinners! That's something to be happy about! And that takes away all depression. God loves me and he loves you and yeah, that has been made cheesy after ten million bumper stickers and keychains.. but it is the greatest Biblical truth. Not just that he loves us, but that he did something about it so that we could have a relationship with him forever. Not because we will never give up on him for we are incapable, but that he is NEVER going to give up on us.

Stages of Life

2010-07-05T18:09:00.004-05:00

So this blog has seen me go through a lot of changes in my life. For example, I was looking at some old posts right now and there's one that I'm talking about how I'm having a hard time relating to young married couples when I was in mpls. And now, go figure, Heather and I are having a hard time finding young couples in newfane. It's funny how life can change so fast. I tell myself that maybe it's just this time of life, this period in our lives when you go through a lot of fast changes. I don't know though, I guess we'll have to wait and see whether or not things settle down. I thought all you had to do is get married if you wanted to settle down. Those westerns make it sound way easier than it is. Yeeeuh I think ahll settle down an' have kids some day soon. Hmm. Well, now I'm married. obviously. I am in the married stage of life and I love it. But I do have a lot to learn. Being a leader in the home is something that I won't ever stop learning about. Ephesians says that husbands are to give themselves up for their wives as Christ gave himself up for the church. That is such an important calling. I mean, husbands are called to do what Christ did for us to pay for our sins. Husbands are called to give themselves up. I'm learning what this means. Heather and I are both learning about marriage and our roles and it's an awesome journey. So that's the stage of life I'm in. This is a married man's blog and I hope I'll make the time to keep it going and post about what I'm learning about being a husband, a shepherd, and what we're learning together. Being married is the best thing that has ever happened to me aside from my life being saved by Jesus Christ. And shouldn't it be that way? If our marriage is an example of Christ's sacrificial love for his Church, then marriage should be the second best thing that has ever happened to me. And Heather is the greatest gift I've ever been given from God besides himself, and he loves his bride more than I love mine. That's crazy to me.

YES YES YES for low man voices

2010-07-04T22:17:00.002-05:00

I may play guitar less. I may not play with anyone anymore. My equipment might all just keep breaking. But my love of music will never... ever.... fade... "it takes an ocean not to break". I like that... not for any particular reason, I just always liked his way of writing. And something about noah and the whale has been close to me ever since I listened to them nonstop when heather and I got back together and were dating... That cd doesnt have very good falling in love lyrics, they're more written about falling out of love, but just because I listened to it at that time, It's stayed close to me.

peep

2010-06-23T22:01:00.002-05:00

wow this new blog design thing is incredible! No more countless hours of staring at a computer screen trying to edit one picture to get it the right size that will fit in the width of the blog screen and then trying to figure out the html code in a google search that will get that picture to go behind the blog as a background or behind the title. aaah. Maybe I'll start blogging more again because of it.

Hymn for the Night

2010-02-24T19:55:00.000-06:00

Crown Him with Many Crowns

Crown Him with many crowns, the Lamb upon His throne.
Hark! How the heavenly anthem drowns all music but its own.
Awake, my soul, and sing of Him who died for thee,
And hail Him as thy matchless King through all eternity.
Crown Him the Lord of life, who triumphed over the grave,
And rose victorious in the strife for those He came to save.
His glories now we sing, who died, and rose on high,
Who died eternal life to bring, and lives that death may die.

Crown Him the Lord of lords, who over all doth reign,
Who once on earth, the incarnate Word, for ransomed sinners slain,
Now lives in realms of light, where saints with angels sing
Their songs before Him day and night, their God, Redeemer, King.

2010-02-15T20:01:00.001-06:00

wimpolestreet.blogspot.com

Gen mai cha... well noooo chai.

2010-01-09T11:41:00.002-06:00

Well there's a few exciting things, one, heather wants to blog with me now.... Im definitely excited about it I'm just worried I'm going to scare her away with my obsessive blog quirks and what not. This desire was only inspired by the movie Julie and Julia, because the movie is about a girl who blogged about cooking through the entire julia childs cook book. Well, my thinking is this desire may be fragile if it was only inspired by a girl in a movie, but we'll see. I'm excited nonetheless. My wife wants to blog with me, thats enough for me. (And it is a good movie by the way). Um another exciting thing is that this is the first day that Heather tried tea that I made for her. And thats a pretty big deal. Making tea for friends is a pretty big deal for me. It's pretty momentous. But I'm a geek. And Heather is my beeest friend. It's ridiculous how much she is my best friend and it makes me so happy that she's my best friend for the rest of my life. But that's another blog post I think. And I feel like I say that a lot. So there's two exciting things... there was one more, but um it's gone now. So I'm hoping heather will follow through and be my blog partner! hmm ya I'm definitely a blog geek, but I mean c'mon, I've had this thing going for like three years.

News I guess and ... A LINK!!

2009-12-17T21:08:00.002-06:00

Wellll the blog is calling me back finally. I don't know how much time I'll have to actually write right now, but I think I need to start trying harder. It is calling me back, it's doing it in the form of a text message from a friend that read, "blog already dangit". Pretty succinct. Well, news I guess. I'm married now. Heather and I celebrated our one month anniversary jut a few days ago and it was a very good day. Nothing too special with how busy we've been, but it was very fun celebrating our one month anniversary together. Things have been so busy lately and my brain is so scattered lately, so there's two reasons for the empty blog. Hopefully when things settle down I'll be able to get back to posting more though. However.............. I do have a link to share from Driscoll...
http://theresurgence.com/16-daddy-christmas-tips

Suuuuch a great list for the Christmas season. Well, I'm going already but I will share some quick thoughts on being married, because I keep getting asked, hows marriage life, and all I say is good. SOoooo, Being married is awesome. It gets better everyday, without a doubt. I love Heather more every day and learn more about her every day. I keep thinking its gunna taper off and eventually I'll just love her the same as yesterday, but it doesn't. I just love her more and more. There are a lot of things that I wasn't prepared for, and a lot of things I was prepared for and ended up being better than I was expecting. I'm learning. Marriage isn't easy, and I need Christ more than ever. But now it's we need Christ. And no longer do I go to the cross alone. So thats how I feel in a nutshell I guess without taking more time to explain, and I guess I just don't feel like explaining all that when I'm asked hows marriage life, so "good" comes out. hehe. o well. I'll be back soon.

2009-11-07T15:46:00.002-06:00

Looks like I'll have to start a why I am married series soon. interesting how life works. how God works.

ah justified anger

2009-09-14T16:24:00.000-05:00

aaaaah for once, my anger is proven justified.
http://johnmarkmcmillan.blogspot.com/2009/09/how-he-loves-david-crowder-and-sloppy.html

soediv

2009-09-09T20:24:00.001-05:00

.

2009-08-13T14:26:00.001-05:00

"Instead of our being free to love and to plead, to warn and to rebuke, we are hung up with our own inner problems. We are inhibited. We are ourselves guilt-ridden. ("What will she think of me if I say that?") We are not prepared to lay cards on tables or to call spades spades. . . . We beat around the bush, not because we're tactful but because we're cowards."

-- John White, Eros Defiled: The Christian and Sexual Sin

Adirondacks III

2009-08-08T19:22:00.002-05:00

Adirondacks II

2009-08-08T19:15:00.002-05:00

Adirondacks I

2009-08-08T18:54:00.003-05:00

"Thousands of tired, nerve-shaken, over-civilized people are beginning to find out that going to the mountains is going home; that wildness is a necessity; and that mountain parks and reservations are useful not only as fountains of timber and irrigating rivers but as fountain of life."
-John Muir

God is good.

2009-08-08T16:11:00.004-05:00

Time is such a weird thing. It's weird to look back on things that have happened in my life. Some events harder to remember, others I will never forget. Some are only minor incidences that I will always remember, like trying to spend time with a brother before he left for military, then there are other major events that have had varying amounts of change on my life. I've wondered a lot in the past year or so about memories, and what purpose they have. We grow from things that happen to us, sometimes we grow, sometimes we let things make us bitter. But why do we still remember those things even after the change has been made and we've moved on? It's interesting to think about. It's interesting to look back on your life. I've been through a lot of changes in the last 5 years. Some changes were extremely hard to deal with. Letting some friends go on to a different life, meeting new friends, building some relationships, ending some, all these things working on my personality and changing a little of me at a time. I'm beginning to think that I've left part of me with some of those friends I let go. I don't see them much anymore, and it was very hard to see them go, I didn't know how hard it would be while I was saying goodbye, but even now, years later, I miss those friends, I miss the times we've shared and the conversations we've had. I left some of me with them when they left. I think that's part of what missing someone means. Part of you is still with them and it doesn't feel right, because you are split up a little at a time. That's why it hurts to see a friend go, that's why it hurts to be away from someone you love, because part of you is with them. WIth some, I've left only a little of me, and I think about them occasionally and the few memories we share, with some other friends, I've left a bigger piece of myself with them, and I think about them often and all the memories we share and the conversations we've had. It's hard at times. Why must we be separated? Why do we grow close to each other only to separate in the end? It can be hard to think about. It's hard to think that some friends I may never see again. So many faces come to mind of people that I may have only met even once, but have left such an impression on my heart that I still think of them now. I think of chuck in kentucky, the legless, homeless man. I only had one conversation with him, but I care so much about him. One day I realized something about Chuck. I realized that the only reason I care so much about Chuck and want to see him in heaven so bad, is because God implanted his feelings for that man in my heart. That blew me away. To think that God shared a tiny bit of his feelings for Chuck with me. There's a point to all this reminiscence. God is always here. He never leaves or changes. The only reason we can care for each other and build these relationships and make memories that will last, is because he's given us a small gift of his own ability to love. If it were not for God, no man would love his fellow man. We would not only murder the offender..... no, as a nightmare, we would murder our own brother, Abel. I shake thinking about that. It's because of God that I have these memories. Were it not for God, I would not have memories, no, instead I would have the blood of a hundred close friends on my hands. That thought should shake us. God is so good. Not only does he give us the ability to love, he promises a future for our relationships to those who trust in him. It hurts when think about those pieces I left with those friends, but it feels so good to think about that day when those pieces will all be reunited in Christ, in his presence, with him standing there smiling. All of our memories, our lost pieces, they will all return to us and we will lay them all at the feet of the one who enabled us to have those relationships to begin with. What a glorious thought! It's been hard for me lately to see the meaning in a lot of things. It's been harder lately to see and savor the goodness of God. Oh but what a reawakening to think about this. While it does hurt to think about friends that I might not ever be able to see, God allows us the gift of memories to remember those people and remember God's goodness to us. All of my good memories are now a testament to God's goodness. Those memories are a gift from God as he has enabled us to love each other. man. That is such a flooring thought. God, thank you. And I also think about my entire life, all these changes that have happened in the past, some harder than others. I think about those changes now, those experiences, and those are also all a testament to God's goodness. He has remained faithful throughout every single event in my life. Such an amazing thought. Where some friends have deserted, He has remained faithful, ready and willing to hold me always. Where some friends have stuck so close to me and cared about me for years, He has even cared more. Jesus is my friend that sticks closer than a brother. Closer than a brother. Thats unbelievable, but so incredible. How can I not worship you God? When you have held me in every painful change, and even when I didn't want you around, and I wanted to handle a trial on my own, in my own strength, you have still been ready to hold me when I come back to you, head hung low, crying, and broken in my pride. Such a good thought. God is so good. Now I remember everything that has happened in my life, and I praise God. I praise him for those times when I didn't want to live, when I loved life, when it was hard, and when it was easy. He has been there through it all. That's the best thing of all. I have said goodbye to so many friends, and left so many pieces with them, big and small, but God never leaves. I don't have to ever say goodbye to him. He has promised good to us. He has promised that he will always be with us. Which is incredible, because I would understand better if he said I will always be with you when you come to live with me, but no, he promises to stay with us here, while we sin, and lie and cheat and lust, and live around others who sin, in a sinful world, he still stays with us. I will never ever say goodbye to God. For eternity. That is incredible. To be away from God is the highest pain. Christ took that pain on the cross. He had perfect fellowship with God, no sin got in the way of there relationship. Christ knew better than us that to be away from his Father is the highest suffering he could experience. But he did anyway, so that we would never have to be separated from God. While he hung on the cross, he cried, Father, why have you forsaken me? Why have you left me? Christ was abandoned in his time of highest suffering, God left him to suffer and experience the highest level of suffering there is, separation from the Father. And now we will never be separated from God. Not for anything. Not because we stay with him, but because he always stays with us. Forever. hmm. PLease think about this today and every day. Think about your past and things that you have gone through and remember that if you are His child, He has always been with you, even if you may not realize it. He is with you now, and he will never leave you or forsake you. Aaaaah comfort for our pain. God is so good.

worship

2009-07-21T20:55:00.001-05:00

KAKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-07-18T22:28:00.001-05:00

Trinidad, Time and other thoughts.

2009-07-15T20:28:00.002-05:00

So, I've been wanting to post some thoughts after getting back from the one week trip to Trinidad. I've been catching up on some things though since I've been back and haven't had much of a chance. Seems as though I've been realizing lately that every test is harder after a period of non-testing. There were a lot of hard things about the trip. I would feel like I was complaining if I went through any kind of details, but it was a very hard beginning getting there. It was hard in some ways that only I knew. But I did learn a bit through it. And hopefully God used my weak and insufficient body to show love to His children there. When I got there, I had to keep telling myself, adapt and overcome. That was my motto. I was trying to let go of the situation and trust God, but I couldn't help feeling that I was still hanging on. Even now, I'm going through a trial health wise, and have the feeling that I'm doing it in my own strength. I wonder what it will take for me to let go of everything I hang on to and trust God with everything. Every single thing. To still have joy in God even in trials. Real, powerful, joy. The kind of joy that consumes you, and takes over everything you think about and feel and talk about. What will it take before that is what defines me? Reminds me of something I wrote a few years ago, what will be left when everything is given away? only the opportunity to give more away. What is at my core? What is left when you take away my friends, my health, my comfort, my job? What will still be there? Well, I feel like God is digging deeper and deeper into me, and joy is not what will be found at the bottom of my heart. Something else I learned through the testing on the trip, It was very, very difficult for me to admit that I needed anything from anyone else. That has got to be unhealthy. The day I was realizing this last week, I actually read something from Kierkegaard that was talking about our need. He writes about how we as men are always denying our need, but it is noble for a poet to need to write, for an orator to speak or for a girl to love. It is good that they need those things. He talks about how poor a man is that has never needed anything, the rich man is the man that needs. So that kind of started me on that realization. It is pride that keeps me from accepting anything from someone. I try to justify it of course, as I do with all sin usually, "I don't want to be a burden, I don't you to have to give it up for me" Well, whatever, it's pride no matter how I dress it up. There are other things I may have learned from the trip, As I rode in the bus at night to the airport to go home I thought about a few things. I thought about the last trip and the circumstances, and I wondered what those memories have to do with me today. I thought about memories in general, how experiences affect a given personality. I thought about myself specifically and how I am today and how I was on a trip 5 years ago. I thought about how some people know me based on my personality, some people only know me based on my experiences in the past. They don't really know my personality now. So I was wondering what worth memories have. Experiences affect a personality and change it over time, but memories are only the aftertaste of those experiences. I was changed by experiences in my past so that I am a little (or a lot) different than I was, say, 5 years ago. But what are those memories to me now? The change has already taken place, I've been through things, I've learned from experiences, and now I'm different. Why do I still remember something that is only an aftertaste? As I was thinking about these things, I eventually ended up with the question: Should a question be asked, if it can't be answered? After thinking on that for awhile, I concluded that I don't know if the question can't be answered, so I should still ask it. If we have already learned from an experience, why do we remember? So there were a few things on my mind for the trip, all in all I do feel like God used us as a team to love His children there. Thank you God that you were there five years ago, watching over your children, and you were there three days ago still watching over them. Even now as they sleep, you are there, watching over them and working according to your will. I must learn how to let go. This life is temporary. Why do I always forget that? God takes away something that I think I need, and I'm left kneeling there trying to hang on to sand with spread out fingers, when God is ready and willing and able to fill me with himself all the way to my brim and overflowing. God, help me to always ... remember... this.

2009-07-11T15:38:00.001-05:00

I will arise and go to Jesus

He will embrace me in his arms,

in the arms of my dear savior

oh there are ten thousand charms

Falls

2009-06-25T23:38:00.005-05:00

Culture and Fulfillment

2009-05-31T20:20:00.005-05:00

So these thoughts were inspired by the discussion in sunday school this morning. The discussion largely centered around the question, "How do we relate to culture?" And the more specific question, "How did Jesus relate to his culture?" I was thinking about it, and at first I had the response that I would usually have and, apparently, was the general consensus of the class. And that response would be that Jesus was totally different from the culture that he was in. Especially the Jewish culture of that time. For a few examples, he turned over their tables in the temple, he completely disregarded the Jewish way of staying away from the Samaritans, and he healed on the sabbath. So normally I would think that he was pretty anti-culture in his day. But then I started looking for myself in the scripture and I started thinking a little deeper, and I came to a different conclusion. What is culture? One definition is the attitudes and behavior characteristics of a particular social group. Or how about the ideas and practices of a specific people group in a specific time of history. When I started thinking about it like that, I realized that there is a common theme throughout all cultures, no matter what. There is always a striving. Every culture exists because it is looking for fulfillment in something. Just thinking about our day, drug culture looks for fulfillment in drugs, the high school student culture looks for fulfillment in being popular, being cool, (not always?) the professional sports culture looks for fulfillment in making a lot of money, being famous, maybe even being a good "role-model", then you have the hollywood culture, the college culture, then other people group cultures, asian, indian, native american... There is so much complexity to culture and all of the cultures that exist even today. But there is still that same theme: fulfillment. Well, this led to me to realize the answer to how Jesus related to culture. He was not against their culture, he was not anti-culture, he did not act in an opposite way than was required by the culture of his day. No, in reality, he was more of an example of their culture than even they were. He was the fulfillment of there culture. He was not acting opposite to their culture, they were! hmm interesting. Let me give you an example:

Luke 14:1-6

"One Sabbath, when he went to dine at the house of a ruler of the Pharisees, they were watching him carefully. And behold, there was a man before him who had dropsy. And Jesus responded to the lawyers and Pharisees, saying, 'Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath, or not?' But they remained silent. Then he took him and healed him and sent him away. And he said to them, 'Which of you, having a son or an ox that has fallen into a well on a Sabbath day, will not immediately pull him out?' And they could not reply to these things."

It is in the orthodox Jewish culture even now to have a very high respect for the Sabbath day. No work shall be done at all. Except, this law given by God was misconstrued by the Jewish people. They took it too far. When Jesus was about to heal a man on the Sabbath, he was ridiculed. Jesus could have said, "Well, it is true that in your culture it is wrong to do this, but I am not of your culture, I am completely different from your culture." But wait, that's not what he says. This is interesting. He uses there own culture to justify what he is about to do. "Which of you, having a son or an ox that has fallen into a well on a Sabbath day, will not immediately pull him out?" Jesus said which of you?? He used their own standards. Jesus didn't act against or in opposition to there culture, he acted more cultural than they were acting. This thought reminds me of the truth that Jesus is all man and all God. This is a thought for another post, but quickly, no man can apply for either of those positions. None of us are even fully human. When Adam and Eve were created, they were fully human, when they fell, they fell from there human-ness. Jesus was more human than we are. Jesus is the fulfillment of every culture that has ever existed and will ever exist. The drug culture will not be fulfilled in drugs, it will be fulfilled in Christ, the high school student culture will not be satisfied with popularity, it will only be fulfilled in Christ, so on and so forth. This was a very interesting thought for me. What does this mean for me? It means that I will continue to relate to culture, I will like the music I like, I will have the hobbies that I have, and I will be able to relate to others that have those same interests, but do not have Christ. I will be able to relate to them and share those interests, but more importantly, I will be able to show them the fulfillment to their desires. The fulfillment to their culture. Jesus is my fulfillment!

Pictures - Spring

2009-05-18T20:24:00.004-05:00

I'm trying to get back into pictures a little more lately... so with that said, these are pretty poor, but they're pictures that were taken, by me, so that's a start.

Simplified Missional Living

2009-05-17T12:08:00.002-05:00

Here is a great post that I saw in google reader awhile back. Super practical and clear. Man this is some super good stuff. Here is the link: http://theresurgence.com/Dodson_Simplified_Missional_Living

and here is the text:

Simplified Missional Living

Jonathan Dodson

Eat with Non-Christians

We all eat three meals a day. Why not make a habit of sharing one of those meals with a non-Christian or with a family of non-Christians? Go to lunch with a co-worker, not by yourself. Invite the neighbors over for family dinner. If it’s too much work to cook a big dinner, just order pizza and put the focus on conversation. When you go out for a meal, invite a non-Christian friend. Or take your family to family-style restaurants where you can sit at the table with strangers and strike up conversations. Have cookouts and invite Christians and non-Christians. Flee the Christian subculture.

Walk, Don’t Drive

If you live in a walkable area, make a practice of getting out and walking around your neighborhood, apartment complex, or campus. Instead of driving to the mailbox or convenience store, walk to get mail or groceries. Be deliberate in your walk. Say hello to people you don’t know. Strike up conversations. Attract attention by walking the dog, carrying along a 6-pack to share, bringing the kids. Make friends. Get out of your house! Last night I spent an hour outside gardening with my family. We had good conversations with about four of our neighbors. Take interest in your neighbors. Ask questions. Engage. Pray as you go. Save some gas, the planet, and some people.

Be a Regular

Instead of hopping all over the city for gas, groceries, haircuts, eating out, and coffee, go to the same places at the same times. Get to know the staff. Smile. Ask questions. Be a regular. I have friends at coffee shops all over the city. My friends at Starbucks donate a ton of leftover pastries to our church 2-3 times a week. We use them for church gatherings and occasionally give them to the homeless. Build relationships. Be a regular.

Hobby with Non-Christians

Pick a hobby that you can share. Get out and do something you enjoy with others. Try city league sports or local rowing and cycling teams. Share your hobby by teaching lessons, such as sewing, piano, knitting, or tennis lessons. Be prayerful. Be intentional. Be winsome. Have fun. Be yourself.

Talk to Your Co-workers.

How hard is that? Take your breaks with intentionality. Go out with your team or task force after work. Show interest in your co-workers. Pick four and pray for them. Form moms’ groups in your neighborhood and don’t make them exclusively non-Christian. Schedule play dates with the neighbors’ kids. Work on mission.

Volunteer with Non-Profits.

Find a non-profit in your part of the city and take a Saturday a month to serve your city. Bring your neighbors, your friends, or your small group. Spend time with your church serving your city. Once a month. You can do it!

Participate in City Events

Instead of playing XBox, watching TV, or surfing the net, participate in city events. Go to fundraisers, festivals, cleanups, summer shows, and concerts. Participate missionally. Strike up conversation. Study the culture. Reflect on what you see and hear. Pray for the city. Love the city.Participate with the city.

Serve Your Neighbors.

Help a neighbor by weeding, mowing, building a cabinet, or fixing a car. Stop by the neighborhood association or apartment office and ask if there is anything you can do to help improve things. Ask your local Police and Fire Stations if there is anything you can do to help them. Get creative.Just serve!

Resurgence Literature:

Re:Lit is a ministry of Resurgence. There you will find a growing line of books to help guide the resurgence of the new reformed. Find out more.

Filed Under:

Jonathan Dodson's blog

Coffee and Simplicity...

2009-05-12T21:13:00.003-05:00

It doesn't have to be complicated, it doesn't have to be the best, it doesn't have to be better than anyone else's... I've been into simplicity lately. I've been drawn to simpler things, probably in the wake of more complicated things. Gradual changes in my thinking work like that usually. I'll be all about something for awhile, and then I'll realize the other side of the story and my thinking will shift to the other side. Rarely is my thinking balanced on any one subject, and usually I would consider that a bad thing, because there is a balance to every thought, but it does make things interesting usually. Well, I went to a coffee house in Lockport with a friend of mine last friday, and man.... it was good. It was simple, ....and good. There was live music. No key changes or polyrythms. There was coffee. Black coffee, no tea that was oxidized in this way from this region in china, with these certain flavors, aged for this amount of time. It was music, and it was coffee. It was nice. I'm learning lately that sometimes simpler is better. Sometimes we miss some very important things when we're worried about this and that. It's nice to let go of researching all these teas, and deciding what bike to buy, and looking up new music. The weird thing is, I really like to try new teas, bike, listen to good music etc... But when I forget all of that, it's nice to take pleasure in simpler things. Thats why I love coffee so much. I love the heck out of coffee. I don't drink it often, but man, I love drinking coffee more than most people out there i would venture to guess. I love it black and i love it strong. I'm not worried about trying to think about what it tastes like when i drink it or how it compares to other coffees or what coffee to buy next... A brother taught me once that simplicity is better. He never told me that with his words, but the way he lived showed me that it is better. Going to that coffee house reminded me of him and gave me a taste of what simplicity is like. I don't know what this will mean to you, I only know what it can mean for me. For starters, ones life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions. I'll admit it, I read that right after I was looking up guitar pedals to buy. We have an inheritance that is unfading. That's not complicated. It's not hard to understand, you don't need to hear a thousand lectures to realize that there is something worth more, and it is not here. Another thing, simplicity means that sometimes, arguments over these points of doctrine in the faith are not beneficial. It would not be right to discuss limited atonement with someone who needs to hear more that they have been acting proud lately, when you yourself need to hear that you've been proud. As I said before, there is a balance to every thought, meaning there would be a place for in depth arguments, but this post isn't about that, and that's not the way I've been thinking. As I sat outside of the coffee house, I looked around at the cracked and uneven concrete and the buildings in Lockport that I've never looked at for more than a few seconds as I was driving by. I observed the young people around me. A few I had seen the week before there. I talked to one guy about christian schooling and I saw another girl that I haven't seen for more than a year. I talked to simple people, who appreciated the 14 or so year old girl who played a simple acoustic and sang simple lyrics about simple things. People who came to the same coffee house each friday night, maybe more? with the sole intention of being around there friends. I didn't sit down with them and discuss bands that no one has ever heard before, i didnt talk to them with about tea jargon and weird knowledge about tea that hardly anyone takes the time to find out... What use does that have to them? In fact, I hardly talked at all. Just observed. simply. Less talking is sometimes a good thing. Less thinking is sometimes a good thing. Less caring about all this stuff that we think we need to care about is always a good thing. God is a good thing. Purity of heart is to will one thing.

Weekend with Adam, Tea in Saracuse

2009-05-05T18:15:00.005-05:00

Gravity and Gladness... Piper

2009-04-20T20:41:00.003-05:00

worship has been on my mind a bit lately, this is a conference i went to last year while i was in minneapolis, and it taught me a lot about worship. It taught me a lot about some things I had already felt before, but didn't hear taught before. Watch the videos, there' six parts, so when you have time. I'm going to watch them again. I really do love Piper too. I'm realizing that more and more. Sometimes, I really learn the most about something when it is said in a different way that it is normally said. Perhaps said with more passion than is usual. John Piper always gets my attention. Most pastors I hear, I listen to, and they are good, good exposition of the Word and they are good for learning, but usually I don't learn much from a lot of pastors because, while they are saying something good and true and able to be learned from, It is said in the same way it is always said. Piper does things differently, when you take the time to pay attention and listen to him multiple times. I thank God for the blessing of being able to attend Pipers church this last year. I really got to see his passion in what he does and who he lives for. His passion for joy was so refreshing, because unlike some pastors i have heard, he doesn't just talk about the things he talks about. He doesn't just talk about joy. It flows out of him so intensely that my heart was made tender in ways that it has never been made tender before just listening to him preach. He doesn't let himself be put into some theological stereotype either. That is very refreshing. He is not afraid to say when he doesn't agree with something that another famous preacher said even when that preacher is in the same "theological category" as Piper. The biggest thing I remember from this conference is that Piper talked about the idea that we do not come to worship to take, we come to give back to God. Piper talks about this idea and says in a way, we do come to take. that way of thinking is not describing true worship. We come to experience God. An experience. I miss having genuine experiences with God, where I completely lose myself and let God show me the joy he wants me to have in him. Just watch the videos, because I think a lot of people, including anyone who is reading (or writing) this right now, needs to have an expanded view of worship. I'm sick of that stale fakeness on sunday mornings. Genuine worship means being real. Being real with God and having a tender heart, not being emotional for the sake of being emotional, but letting God change your heart and show you who he is. Focus on God on sunday mornings and stop being so afraid of what other people are thinking. Im preaching to myself now, and i could go on preaching to myself on this point for hours, and I probably should, even if it is in a blog post, but I really only wanted to post the link for these videos

<<http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Seminars/1724_Gravity_and_Gladness_on_Sunday_Morning_Part_1/>>

Hymn for the night

2009-03-24T20:15:00.002-05:00

oh, the violence and danger of daily life as a christian. How I've forgotten, may you not forget and may this be a reminder...

I Walk in Danger All the Way

The thought shall never leave me

That Satan, who has marked his prey,
Is plotting to deceive me.
This foe with hidden snares
May seize me unawares
If e’er I fail to watch and pray.
I walk in danger all the way.

I pass through trials all the way,
With sin and ills contending;
In patience I must bear each day
The cross of God’s own sending.
Oft in adversity
I know not where to flee;
When storms of woe my soul dismay,
I pass through trials all the way.

Death doth pursue me all the way,
Nowhere I rest securely;
He comes by night, he comes by day,
And takes his prey most surely.
A failing breath, and I
In death’s strong grasp may lie
To face eternity for aye.
Death doth pursue me all the way.

I walk with angels all the way,
They shield me and befriend me;
All Satan’s power is held at bay
When heav’nly hosts attend me;
They are my sure defense,
All fear and sorrow, hence!
Unharmed by foes, do what they may,
I walk with angels all the way.

I walk with Jesus all the way,
His guidance never fails me;
Within His wounds I find a stay
When Satan’s power assails me;
And by His footsteps led,
My path I safely tread.
In spite of ills that threaten may
I walk with Jesus all the way.

My walk is heavenward all the way;
Await, my soul, the morrow,
When thou shalt find release for aye
From all thy sin and sorrow.
All worldly pomp, begone!
To Heaven I now press on.
For all the world I would not stay;
My walk is heavenward all the way.

My current reading list, and other boring news:

2009-03-24T20:06:00.001-05:00

So as a precursor to an idea for blogging, here is my current reading list:

1) Abraham Joshua Heschel- I Asked for Wonder

2) Kierkegaard- Works of Love

3) Donald S. Whitney- Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life

4) Courtney Anderson- To the Golden Shore (missionary bio. on Adoniram Judson)

5) C.S. Lewis- That Hideous Strength, and Perelandra, again, which is the news.

I said awhile back that I may blog about the ideas in the book, Perelandra, and I'm reading through the book a second time slower, and I'm writing down some thoughts from the book that I'll blog about. I may start a series on the book after I finish reading and writing down my thoughts.

2009-03-19T21:51:00.004-05:00

We're actually starting to post on our tea blog if you want to check that out, and I hope to be posting on here soon, because I do have things to post on. Hopefully tomorrow I will, but I make no promises.

The National

2009-02-22T15:00:00.001-06:00

Our new tea blog

2009-02-22T13:44:00.003-06:00

So me and adam and josh started our tea blog, we're not really posting hardcore yet, but there will be some posts, and adam has already posted a review on some sencha. theotherleaf.blogspot.com

efterklang

2009-02-21T21:02:00.001-06:00

My Discs

2009-02-18T16:49:00.004-06:00

So, I went out for a round of disc golf today even tho it was like 21. It was cold, but it was so sunny that I ended up warming up around 7 holes in. I didn't play very well, but it was definitely fun nonetheless. I thought it would be cool to make a picture gallery of the discs I use. So:

Long Range Drivers:

Here's my Orion by Millennium. I use this one for forehand drives. It's currently my favorite.

Here's my JLS by Millennium. I use this one for backhand shots. This one used to be my favorite. hehe

Here's my Innova Valkyrie. This one's a good forehand driver, good for hyzers.

Putters:

My old Innova Rhino

Midrange Drivers:

My Gateway Sabre. I use this one for forehand drives. I don't use this one much but its a good straight flick midrange.

Here's my MS Aurora by Millennium. This ones my favorite midrange. A straight disc I use for backhand shots.

Light and Darkness

2009-02-17T22:16:00.004-06:00

Honesty is such an important thing. To think that so many people live through their entire lives without ever really being honest with someone. Without even having a friend that they can be honest with. This can be true darkness for these people, and it is so sad.

1 John 1:5-10

(5) "This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.

I want you to think about what light means to you. In the practical sense, it means that we can go about our daily lives. Without light, we would not be able to see to get ready in the morning, see to do our job at work, or see to make meals, see to do anything really. We would be as good as blind without any light. Those are some practical implications of not having light. Now, think about how light makes you feel. For me, when I'm cooped up in my dark, close apartment all day or for days, and I get out to go do something outside and the sun is out, it is quite amazing. I step out the door only to be blinded at first by the sun because my eyes are used to the darkness. But after my eyes adjust, it feels so good just to feel light on my body. To feel that weird warmth of the sun where, even if its 20 degrees out, it still feels warm. After this encounter with light and sun I don't want to go back into the dark apartment. So

I will be honest with you and say that I have had some dark days recently. Recently being months I guess. Some darker and lonelier that others... but the general feeling being dark. I will be honest when I say sometimes I don't want people to know my secret sins. I had a conversation with a friend tonight that inspired these thoughts and gave me a taste of the Light I have been unknowingly longing for. It turned out that he also had been having some dark days. It is such a good thing when you can leave darkness behind with another friend. So what does this leaving of darkness behind mean? Well, let me first describe to you what living in darkness is like.

"(6)If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth...

(8) If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us...

(10)If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us."

This passage is set up where these verses describing darkness are in between verses describing light. So in order to describe the darkness, let's first look at these verses. Simply put, darkness is lies. Darkness is the opposite of honesty. Darkness is trying to hide sin because you don't want other people thinking that you don't have it all together. "if we say we have fellowship... ...while we walk in darkness... we lie" "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves" So interestingly, darkness means claiming that we do have it together. In darkness, we claim that we have no sin. But what is this? a lie. All lies. It is living a lie, and it is not enjoyable. Now to discuss the light.

"(7)But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

(9) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Now, these two verses discuss light. "If we walk in the light... we have fellowship" One affect of being in the light means having fellowship with one another. Fellowship is so important too, growing with other believers. What does that mean for darkness? Darkness means loneliness. Not having someone that you can be open with about your sin. (Here's where it gets really good) "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive... ...and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." What does this mean? It means we aren't supposed to hide our sins! That is darkness! We are supposed to always confess our sins. Not in the boring way where you go to an old church and confess to a priest, but in the glorious way where you are so sick of hiding everything all the time and you just want to get it all off your chest for once. So you come to Christ, not to a priest, and you lay it on him. Literally. (kind of... hmm) Christ doesn't want us to hide our sins and act like we have it all together, he wants us to show others that we don't have it all together and we need Christ to put us back together. Christ wants us to know that we need him and we can't know that when we are hiding every reason we need him. And what happens when we bring these sins to him? He is faithful and just, and he forgives all of them and he cleanses us. Oh to be cleansed by light! It is such a glorious thing. Now for the final point of this post. Living in the light in relation to other people. How do we live in the light? Other believers are necessary to our life in the light. Confessing sins to others is a necessary element of living in the light. We have to be honest with one another, put to death all the lies that we hold dear and let others know that we don't have it all together.

Hebrews 3:13

"But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness."

What should we do to remain in the light? encourage one another. Tell each other that it is okay to be ruined, and crushed, and lonely, and dark. Tell them your deepest darkest secrets and the sin that you want to hide so that they can know that there is light in honesty. They can leave the darkness that surrounds them and step into that glorious light. Sure, it may be akward at first, as if you were to be blinded when you first step outside, but after you stand in the light, you will realize how good it feels. Nothing to hide, and no more loneliness. Christ is always with you to listen to your secrets and he is waiting eagerly for you to confess your sins so that he can forgive them and cleanse you with light. What a beautiful picture!

What's on the menu??

2009-02-17T21:52:00.003-06:00

Well, I'm going to make a list of the things I will be blogging about in the future. I've had a lot on my mind lately which is most definitely a good thing. So:

1) I will start this post in a little bit tonight after I get a few things done: Light and Darkness. I am really excited to post on this.

(After that first one, I'm not sure what order these will be in...)

2) Martyrdom. I'm really excited to post about this one as well.

3) That movie Expelled. The debate (war... we'll get to that) between creationism and darwinism.

4) Perelandra. This one is a maybe. I'm hoping that I'll be able to post about the philosophy in this book but it might have to wait awhile, or until I read through the book again.

That is pretty much the major things I will be posting on. Here are some other less-important subjects I might cover:

1) My goals for the summer

2) The reading I've been doing lately and plan to do in the future

and perhaps others as they come up, obviously as this is a blog. hehe. Thank you for reading, seriously, I'm looking forward to posting some more and getting these thoughts down so that I can work through them some more.

videos!! (to brighten the blog)

2009-02-16T23:23:00.001-06:00

Here's Priscilla Ahn's Dream:

and I've been into kaki lately, so here's some of good things:

Giving is Better...

2009-02-14T22:30:00.002-06:00

Acts 20:35 (The words of Jesus)
"It is more blessed to give than to receive."
So, a few weeks ago, I was at work on break having my lunch. I had a cherry pastry with my lunch and it was sitting on the edge of the table. An elderly woman walked by and as she did she said, "Oh you better not leave that out like that, I love cherries". So I was like whatever, characteristic thing for an older lady to do I guess. Then I thought about telling her to take it. I figured she wanted it more than me, I knew that... But then I began thinking, if I told her that I wanted her to have it, she would probably assume that I didn't want it, that's obvious, but chances are she would even assume that there was a good reason I didn't want it and perhaps she should not want that particular thing as well. So I started thinking then about this idea... What are the reasons that you give something away? You give old clothes away maybe to the salvation army or the like, why? Because they're worn out, too small, out of style, not comfortable anymore. You give some money to a friend for lunch, why? Because you expect him to pay you back. You give your labor when you work at a job, why? Because you expect to get paid. You give away a cherry pastry because you don't like you it tastes, or you're full already. hmm, right now I'm not making the point that it is wrong to have these reasons in mind when giving anything, right now, I am only trying to make the point that our culture and world and human nature is so centered on receiving. It is very interesting to think about how this idea of giving being better applies to every part of our lives. For example, today I went to work and I clocked in and I clocked out. I didn't take a break because I wanted the extra hours. One could say that I was giving my labor to my managers today, and all the other days I work. I give my time and effort to do my job. But I don't do it because I think giving is better, I do it because receiving is better. I work so that I can receive money so that I can give money to my landlord for rent, so that I can receive my apartment. hmmm. So looking at this backwards, I work today without clocking in or clocking out, because I want to give time to serve without thinking about receiving money. I give money to my landlord without worrying about living in this apartment. (obviously in this example the two wouldn't work together backwards because I would need money from work to pay rent, but that's not the point I'm making right now) But wait, I'm saying that I just give 320 dollars to my landlord for no reason? yea that does sound crazy. What about this.... Actually saving up 320 dollars over a period of time, then one day when it is saved up, just giving it to a random person on the street. Anyone. Well that really doesn't make sense. There would have to be a reason that your giving that money away. Well, there is, see, giving is better. Giving is better... It's such a simple word and concept but let me explain it anyways: When something is better than something else, that thing is to be chosen over the other. It is more excellent, useful, effective, advantageous. It would be a mistake to choose the thing that is not better, or in other words, worse. The worse thing is not good for us. It is not excellent, useful, effective, advantageous. It is as good as garbage. It has no use. Therefore, that being explained, receiving is useless. When giving is the better of the two, giving something is always to be chosen. It would be a mistake to choose receiving over giving. When you think about this, it makes you wonder how this idea can affect different parts of your life. You don't give your time to serve at your church because it is the right thing to do, you do it because it's better. Why give food away when your hungry? Because it's better. It is more pleasing. It's not a duty or a checklist. A checklist implies that you are working towards something. When you have a list of things to do, you want to get them done so that you can move on to better things. But when what is on the list is the better thing, you don't want to get done with the list. You want to do the list, then do it over and over and over. Now after thinking through this, I wondered, what do I have to give then? If it is better, I want to do the better thing. I just recently starting going to a small group, and it has been somewhat intimidating. I wondered before going for the first time, "I want to go to this small group so that I can grow and be strengthened by other believers, but thinking about this giving idea, what do I have that I can give to the other people at the small group, even though I don't know them?" So, while I was in the small group I realized what I have to give, and what I always have to give. Before that though, I was thinking there was a contradiction in the idea... If giving is better, then is it worse to want to grow when I come to small group? Wouldn't that be a receiving centered mindset? Then I realized what I always have to give, and that answered my contradiction: Jesus. I can always give Jesus to people and people always need more Jesus. So that answered my contradiction. Is it wrong to want to grow? No, because when everyone is giving Jesus, everyone will be receiving Jesus. They both have to happen. How do I grow? In this context, by receiving more Jesus. So that was a very intriguing thought process. And it has moved me to want to share Jesus more. But, when I remember that giving is better, I give Jesus to unbelievers who will not give Jesus back and I am content in only giving. Okay, so with that said, the other side to this story. Giving is better in our relations with people yes, but it is not better in our relationship with God. That is because we have nothing to give to God. We have nothing that is worth anything to him in our flesh. So, we let him give to us. We let him give us his son as a propitiation and sacrifice for our sins. After that, we let him fill us with his holy spirit so that we can be empowered to give him to other people. In an illustration, God is a spring of water that bubbles up and never runs dry. We can always go to him when we have been washed by the blood of jesus to receive and receive and receive. It is a beautiful picture too, why is giving more blessed? Because it is what God does. God gives himself so abundantly to us, so that we can give him to others and love doing it.

Thoughts on Love, or in actuality, Death.

2009-02-14T16:41:00.001-06:00

Here is a post that I wrote up almost a year ago, I wanted to post it again.

Surprising that I haven't posted in this yet because it's the sole thing I've been working through the past couple or few or many many months. Love. I'm going to write some thoughts on love, and before I do, it would help if you don't jump to your own conclusions about what I am going write about. That will only make it harder for you to understand. God's been showing me what real love is lately. Lately as in anywhere from half a year to a year. He's been showing me what real love is. This is tough to write about actually, I may just end up not posting this. This isn't something you talk about, it's something you do. So what is my writing worth? maybe nothing unless maybe it's used by God to inspire some action. It's so easy to talk about something that needs to be done and never bother yourself with actually doing any of it. So with that said, I guess i'll explain a little of what's been going on in my head. right now i want you to think of the person that is most annoying to you, who makes you the most angry or frustrated, or who makes a good day bad, or gets on your nerves, or even hates you. I want you to maybe think of the person that you hate back. keep them in your mind and dont forget their face. please. okay, maybe most likely a verse youve heard before: "For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?"(matt. 5:46). This verse is found in the middle of Jesus' sermon on the mount. This whole sermon is full of paradoxes. The main core of the entire sermon itself is a paradox, mainly, die to live. hmmmm. die to live. This is most definitely a paradox and it essential to understand as a disciple of Christ. So in this sense, love and death are connected. The kind of love Christ says is actually worth something is to love the one who does not love you back. This love has worth, it means something. But, what a hard thing to swallow. I dont know specifically how it applies to your life, but for me i know immediately. There are people here at college who get on my nerves. That's unavoidable. There are people who mooch and people who make worthless jokes and worthless talk and it can be hard to deal with though. And i admit (with great sadness), i succumb to the natural response: hide my food, and ignore or stay away from the people who annoy me. but gosh! That is so unsatisfying! Every time I hide my food God tells me, "Do you think you own anything child?! You have no rights and you do not own anything." This is hard to hear and it cuts my heart like a sword, but oh, its so true! And when I walk past someone I may not like alot without saying anything or asking them how they are doing, God whispers in my ear,"Go, and ask him how you can serve him. Go and make yourself available to him, and dont ever expect anything in return." This is so hard... I will admit. I admit I want others to know if I'm going to do something for someone else. I want them to know how much it cost me. This is a confession. God is constantly reminding me that I don't own anything including rights. He is also reminding me that he died for me on a cross between two dirty thieves while i was yet a sinner. While i was spitting in God's face, or rather, taking his food and his time and annoying him by always putting him down even in jest, He Died For Me. Man, this cuts me to the heart. Love is not spending your entire life on that one special girl. ugh (a rant for another time maybe) Love is going up to every single person you see throughout your day and asking them, "What can I seriously spend for you?" whether it's time or money or food or energy or anything. ask them what they need. People put up so many walls. I am so guilty of this. I am actually so guilty that when I say people, I really am only thinking of myself and my specific and recent failures. honestly. another confession. But people put up so many walls, especially when they get older. "I'm not going to talk to that person because I dont know them/ they annoy me/ they're dirty/ they have too many problems", "I'm not going to serve that person because I have other things to do/ I served yesterday/ I'm tired/ I have no money, I'm in college". Oh, it is so sad because i am guilty of thinking all of those and more. how do you think I could come up with the examples of excuses? Thank God and praise Him mightily that He is faithful and will not leave us to rot in this body of death! Do not boast in how much you love your girlfriend or your wife please, ive heard way too much of that, enough to last my entire life. To be completely honest, and this will sting, i guarantee you (I am not sorry)--- you have nothing there. You will not take your wife to heaven. she will not take you. I hope that was a revelation. but oh when you get on the dirty ground to give your lunch to a dirty homeless person, not a lunch you bought out of your extensive wealth, but the food that you were going to eat after not eating for a day or two, that kind of love is worth something. please understand.... When you reach your clean, healthy hand out to touch a patient in america who is dying of aids and has a body that is deteriorating with the disease, that love is worth something. not you. you are not worth something for doing it, because if you really knew what you were doing and did it honestly, you would have to know that all the worth in the world that ever existed exists in God Himself. God is the embodiment of worth. He is also the embodiment of love. How can you possibly in your right (maybe) sane mind skim over a passage that says Jesus touched a leper out of love. cmon people, use your brains. do you realize what that means? I would explain to you, but I dont want to take the time. Research what leprosy did to people's bodies and then think about touching that rotting flesh. out of love. it is mind blowing, and if it isn't think about it again. or for the first time maybe. Love is so much more violent people. It requires a death. It requires that we die to ourselves and forsake the one we love the most, ourselves. Christ did not preach a message of morality. Of doing this and that, checking this off the list, and being a better person in this area. If you are in this thinking, I pity you because you may be more lost than the sinner in the local bar saturday night. (that was a thorny statement!) Jesus did not tell the dirty, sinning group that would become His disciples to stop cursing and stop hating people and stop disrespecting people and lying.... He did not tell them to go to church more, read their Bibles more, and pray more. He didn't even tell them to go tell others about himself or teach others. (not yet) He told them: "Follow me" Jesus preached a message of discipleship. A message of following Him and giving their lives to Him. Jesus preached a message of death. "If anyone would come after me, let him... ...take up his cross and follow me." If the disciples followed Jesus for His entire life, they would have ended up on crosses next to Jesus. but wait, Christ told them to take up their cross. They already owned crosses. They already had their own electric chair, pistols, knives, and suicide pills. "For whoever would save his life will lose it". What a paradox, life through death, die to live. die to love...... How is it that we are given life and life to the fullest (what Jesus promised) through our own death (suicide)? Don't ask me how, but look at Christ. He died or for us, at least we know that much. Unfortunately, that may even be under the spell of familiarity, but Christ said that we need to follow Him. Paul said, that I "may share in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead." What is Paul saying? He is saying that he wants to die. He wants to die like Christ died, Paul is saying that he wants to take up his cross. What is the result? well, if we truly follow Christ all the way, what is the end result? If we follow Him, we will die on the cross with him, but we also be raised to life with him and follow him up to heaven. This is a hard concept to grasp, and i hope i am somehow showing you the depth of it. Taking up our cross though, is not a one time thing as it was for Christ in His physical death, it is a daily thing, or rather, a minute/second thing. We must always be killing ourselves. What I mean by this is that when we say "I can't talk to that person because i'm tired", we need to address our want, in this case, sleep, and then tell ourselves "you dont have the right to sleep. you dont own anything. how much did Christ sleep?" When we grasp this, we grasp the essence of taking up our cross. It means denying what we want, walling off our desire, cornering it, and then slaughtering it. This is violent. Real, true love is violent. you disagree? Where was love most fully manifested? on the Cross. You can honestly tell me that dying on a cross was not violent? Go read a book and stop wasting time holding your own opinion. This is such a hard concept to grasp, and I know that i didnt do it justice, but i just hope that God used my feeble words to somehow bring you a revelation. and if He did, don't waste time commenting on here about it, go and actually do it. Read Bonhoeffer's book, "The Cost of Discipleship", or also the one I'm reading now, "Embracing Brokenness" by alan nelson. Most of all though, it may be a waste of time for you to read or talk about something when you could actually be going out and loving people. Use prayer and judgement from the Holy Spirit and understand also that love is not an event. It's not something you train for, it's not something you schedule or plan. It's something you need to be. The essence of Christianity exists in being, not doing. Be God's love for somebody, rather, everybody. If you pass someone at work, ask them how their day is, smile at the lady behind the counter, spend time with your family, meet people you've seen before but never said anything to, wave at people on the street, give food to someone who has no home, give money to your church, make someone feel like they're worth something to you. Ask the meanest person you know how you can serve them, ask the most annoying person you know what you can give them, ask the person who's always taking your food if they want more. There is so much peace when you actually do something even very small to show someone that they are loved. You will experience intimacy with God in a way you've never even imagined before. Please stop putting up walls beloved...... there is so much more to see than the wall in front of you. There are so many hurting, hungry people out there. not hungry for food, that is so shallow, but hungry for love, hungry for God. They just don't know it. Go and show them. Take down your walls and go say hi to someone. And please, if it is at all logistically possible, keep me accountable to this. thank God He keeps us alive even though we fail so often to see how beautiful He is. He is beautiful. We can't see Him you say? Go and look a homeless person in the eye and tell him your deepest secrets and tell him how much he is loved and you will see the face of God. trust me, I've seen it before in the eyes of a legless, dirty homeless guy in louisville kentucky. Sound strange? have faith young one and accept the way of a child: faith without an explanation. Sit in the lap of Christ and look up into His eyes, you will be surprised at what you find...... . . .

another random news thing

2009-02-04T21:55:00.002-06:00

I'm hoping to get hardcore into pu-erh tea soon. Something I've been wanting to do for a while now. I'm thinking I may even start a different tea blog whenever I start getting into it and journaling about it. I'm sure it will wait until the summer, until I go back home. That's another random news thing though. My apologies for the boring as heck blog lately...

Things up with me:

2009-01-29T13:05:00.002-06:00

Well for one, I haven't been blogging. um, for two, I read C.S. Lewis' book Perelandra the other day. And while I would like to blog about the philosophies, truths, events, implications of that book, I imagine it would require a lot of time and words. I imagine an entire blog could be created and withheld for over a year on the book. It may even be titled Perelandra. hehe. um actually I think I might look for such a blog after I finish writing this. The other thing is that I just finished watching Ben Stein's movie Expelled. That was a very good movie. I would like to and will post on my thoughts regarding intelligent design, evolution, and that whole hubbub in a little bit. (I would also like to say that my computer spell checks what I write and supposedly hubbub is a word) But... that aside, I wanted to write about those two things, so that the mentioning of them here in this post in an introductory fashion would somehow inspire me to post on them soon. I think I will be posting on this whole debate over uh ... science first.

Carousels

2009-01-26T17:12:00.001-06:00

On a bus ride into town, I wondered out loud, "Why am I going to town?"
As I looked around at the billboards and the stores I thought, "Why do I look around?"
And I kissed the filthy ground...the first dry spot I found...
I didn't have to wonder why I was laying down.

Before long I was too cold...took a bus back to the station,
I found a letter left by a pay phone with no return contact
And it read like a horn blown by some sad angel,
"Bunny, it was me...it was me who let you down"
It was the shyest attempt I'd ever seen at conversation.

But if I didn't have You as my guide, I'd still wander lost in Sinai,
Counting the plates of cars from out-of-state,
How I could jump in their path as they hurry along!
And You surround me, You're pretty but You're all I can see
Like a thick fog...
If there was no way into God,
I would never have laid in this grave of a body for so long.

And St. Cyril's fair always came through the first week of September
But it's already the 19th...and there's no sign of it...
Yet I have a hard time remembering all the things I should remember
And a hard time forgetting all the things that I was supposed to forget.
And, Christ, when You're ready to come back,
Then I think I'm ready for You to come back;
But if You want to stay wherever exactly it is You are,
That's okay, too...it's, it's really none of my business.

And if I didn't have You as my guide, I'd still wander lost in Sinai
Or down by the tracks watching trains go by
To remind me: there are places that aren't here.
And I had a well but all the water left,
So I'll go ask Your forgiveness with every breath,
And if there was no way into God,
I would never have laid in this grave of a body...so long, dear.

videos of music.

2009-01-20T18:16:00.003-06:00

Jose Gonzalez: Hints

Grizzly Bear: Knife

Doveman: Walk On

2008-12-25T13:57:00.000-06:00

Happy Christmas?

Purpose

2008-12-18T23:49:00.005-06:00

I wanted to post this so it could be put in the things to know about this blog section. And it should have been posted a looong time ago.

The purpose of this blog IS:

1) To show anyone who reads in perhaps a new and fresh way that God really is the best thing there is and ever was and the only possible response that would be logical and safe and good and pleasing would be to give our lives to Him in utter dependance and love, in response to the sacrifice that His son and God himself, Jesus Christ, made on the cross to pay the penalty for our sin. I want some people to hear the truth that they may have never heard before, and I want other people to hear the truth that they've been hearing all there life and not believing. In the same way, I hope that the truth that I post will somehow take hold in my stubborn heart, resulting in a tender heart that loves God more than it did before.

2) To have an outlet for my thoughts. I want to be able to write down some thoughts that I have every now and then in the form of a journal. As an outlet, so that I can think these thoughts clearly and gain some application from them, and perhaps share this application with you, the reader.

3) To bring my music interest out into the open at times, because I enjoy some music so much that I just have to share it, and that's how enjoyment works, it is fulfilled in the sharing.

4) To encourage others in any way possible.

5) To, in a way, be invisible. So that the all gracious lover of our soul may become known and visible to those that need the love that there soul has been aching for for a long long time.

There we go. I'm sure I will update this at times. I'll just go back and edit, but for now, as in, right now, this should suffice. Thank you for reading.

Exploring the Explored

2008-12-18T23:10:00.003-06:00

So when I was out on sunday to snelling state park, I realized and remember something about myself that I haven't thought about in awhile. I have such a fascination with exploring. While I was at the park I kept thinking about when I was in like 3rd grade or whatever and my friend from down the road and I would explore every part of woods from behind my house around the other road, onto his road, and behind his house. It was what we would do every day. "What are we gunna do tomorrow?" "Well we haven't yet explored this part of the woods" "sounds like a plan". Thats how it was. I was so fascinated with finding every single deer trail and memorizing where they would start and end, monitoring any changes in the trails, finding every creek, where they started and where they ended, every orchard, we would explore behind the abandoned factory at the end of the road. It was intense. It was all we did. So that was on my mind as I walked through the woods. So quiet and so many deer watching me. I started to think about the native americans that would have inhabited the island I hiked around hundreds of years ago. Fascinating to think that they had such a huge expanse of land, and it was theirs to explore and memorize and make maps of and build homes and track rivers and build farms.... it was a lot to think about and it kept my mind occupied as I walked on through the woods trying to stay warm. It was a quiet hike, thank God, it is so hard to find somewhere quiet in a city. And it always somehow seems quieter when snow is falling. It was beautiful. There was no one around and just woods everywhere. I almost forgot I lived in a city surrounded by almost 400,000 people. I almost forgot about all the noise, the pollution, the distractions, the crime, the shootings, the gangs, the drug dealers, I almost forgot about my little apartment and my little life and my small happenings. I almost forgot that all has been explored. There is no land to explore and conquer anymore. There is no where to go that has not been seen before. But I realized, that doesn't bother me as much as it might... it definitely does bother me, but I realized that I still have the same fascination I did back in third grade for exploring. I need to be in a place that I've never been before. I need to see some place I've never seen before. I really don't know why, but that is how God has wired me. I love exploring. I'm thinking now how I can use this as some kind of analogy... God has given me a desire for exploring and seeing as what that desire has been through in the last 11 or so years, I'm sure now that it will not leave. It is here to stay. So the first application I know this fact has is that I really believe God will use this passion for exploring to take me places that some will not go because of their fear of exploring, their fear of change. I know that God will take me to new places and through a lot of change. I know this because of how even the last two years have gone. I am not afraid of change, I need it. I need it to survive. I know God will use that in me now and in the future. I hope I will be willing to let him use it. As we all are.... hoping that he will use what he's given us to bring him more glory. Let us give up "the needs created by our eyes".

mewithoutYou- Disaster Tourism

2008-12-18T23:04:00.002-06:00

These words have been on my head today, I wanted to share them.

Call me outside I'll come running down.
When I satisfied each need invented by my eye
I was a nest by a fox's hole or dirt underneath your boots soles
when I satisfied each need invented by my eye
it was nothing like I'd imagined.
Like cocaine, their green eyes fixed on the television to pass the time
until their two miles of elegant blinds halfway raised for the watching as you walked by
"Look, come to the window
She carries a candle at mid-day while the sun's still so high!"
But you knew better than to pay mind to what to people and the devil say call me outside,
I'll come running down into the vacant, intoxicating night,
call me outside to their haunted streets, their red electric lights,
I'm on the sad side of a nowhere town,
but sister I'm all you got so call me outside,
I'll come running down - Then, not another word.

Here's the words that have really been cutting me:

When I satisfied each need invented by my eye
I was a nest by a fox's hole or dirt underneath your boots soles
when I satisfied each need invented by my eye
it was nothing like I'd imagined.

Why I Am Single: Reason #1

2008-12-18T00:43:00.002-06:00

Okay, it's been a long time since I said I was going to start this series, but oh well. I'm starting it now. I've had a bunch of random thoughts floating around my head at random times about what I'm going to post for this. I need to write them down and get them more organized. But the first reason I'm single, not necessarily the most important reason, I'm not that organized yet, is that I'm available. Sounds redundant I guess. But really, I'm single so that I can be available. Available in a lot of ways. Available to have my entire head and heart to devote to what it needs to be devoted to. I have more time to be available. I can go places because I'm available. I can go to a different country and become a martyr for that glorious gospel and for my pleasing Lord, and I would not have to worry about what someone else thinks about it. I'm not tied down to a relationship. I don't have to make any phone calls or emails. I don't have to want to, I mean. Because I know there are a zillion phone calls and emails I can make and send to people for the purpose of encouragement and growth, but when I'm not wanting to send all those calls to one person, I am available to send those calls to other people that need them. I enjoy being available. I enjoy knowing that I'm not tied to anything on earth in that way. With that said, let me now say that just because I am available, that doesn't mean that I'm available, for one, and that doesn't mean that I'm always available, for two. It doesn't mean that I'm available in that I'm open to that kind of relationship right now, or ever maybe. It also doesn't mean that I'm always available in that I am not always available to do what I need to do. I am not always available to God as I should be and want to be, and I am not always available to my brothers in sisters to encourage them as I want to. My heart is devoted to too many things as it is without having a relationship to be devoted to. Now, let me organize some other thoughts so I can get them down in a way the common people can understand. this is a hard topic to write about, for many reasons.

Snelling State Park

2008-12-09T20:30:00.004-06:00

Here are some pictures from Snelling State Park that I went to last sunday. It's been a looooong time since i've posted any pictures on here, and these are hardly from the artistic side... but I wanted to take some photos to show people, because it was a good experience. I'm actually going to post on something related to the trip, but first, here's the pics...

iamsecond.com

2008-12-05T17:41:00.002-06:00

So here's the link that led me to iamsecond.com, http://gospeldrivenchurch.blogspot.com/2008/12/question-about-life-is-answered.html.

This link is from a blog I visit often, but the videos I want you to see are on iamsecond.com. It's a lot of testimony videos, some from famous people, some from normal people, but all are very real and very stirring. Just wanted to show you them. Here's the one from the blog post I linked to,

That's brian welch who used to be in Korn I believe.

Hero clip

2008-11-16T23:24:00.002-06:00

Alright, two things I'm wondering, I'm wondering why I haven't seen this movie in awhile, and I'm also wondering why I love asian culture so much. Anyways... this video clip from the movie hero is amazing. I'm sorry if you don't understand, but I definitely get the shivas watchin this movie.

video anyone?

2008-11-08T20:43:00.002-06:00

with all that said, I just listened to the most awesome song, (thank you oh gracious itunes shuffle) I am astounded by its amazingness even though it already had 5 stars in the library, but here's a video of it. I like the album version better cause this video is a cleaner form of the song. The album version is more, electric so to speak, but man. I love this song. I love the build in the video too. so so good.

Power. Power in what is low, Power in what is high.

2008-11-08T20:18:00.002-06:00

So I realized something at church tonight. It was something Piper said. I don't remember what he said the first time, but I do remember what he said the second time which regarded the same point. I have so much power! Rather, God has SO much power! And God is in me! I have that power! Listen though, I realized tonight again how low I really am. I am so low. I'm so small and unimportant and little, and... annoying! I am so meek and mild and stupid and slow and unattractive and small and ...low. But the thing is, it was not a negative realization tonight. It was more positive. It was actually a very, very positive realization. I felt so at peace walking out of the sanctuary telling myself, "you are so nothing, you are so low, you don't have rights to anything, your not important, no one will be talking about you or your life tomorrow, no one watches what you do with anticipation as if what you did changed any part of their life, big or small, no one will ever watch you on tv, no one will ever write a book about you, no one will ever look back after you're gone and say, 'man I want my kids to be like that man', there will never be lines of people wanting to talk to you or get your opinion or get your autograph, you will never speak in front of thousands of people, ... and ... you don't and will never deserve to get any recognition from any person that does have any of these things." Sounds bad, right? Maybe even unhealthy? Maybe I have a huge problem with self-acceptance, self-esteem, self-reliance, self self self? Guess what? I have a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge problem with self-esteem, self-acceptance, self-whatever. I have way too much of myself! If I realized what I realized tonight, every second of every day, then I would cease to have a problem with self. But tonight was one small step in the realization of how small I really am. But wait a second, I said this post was about power.... hmmm. yeah, your right, it is. When I left tonight, I had all those thoughts running through my head, but they were not the thoughts that the devil throws at me all the time to get me to forget what God did for me. They were the thoughts that turned my gaze so intensely on Christ and what he did for me. It was a glorious thing, it is a glorious thing, not a shameful thing. The reason is, I realized how low and unimportant I am. But I also, in equal amount, realized how big and important God is. This is where power comes in. The first thing Piper said I can't remember, but it was something implying that we have power, and I saw on the floor someone in the front pew nod there head, which struck me. I thought, "the only reason he can nod his head is because of the power that we do have." And as I thought about it, and Piper preached on, affirming and continuing my thought, I realized how amazing this truth is. God has so much power, and through Christ, that power is ours. SO MUCH power! Man, we have so much power! I caught just a glimpse of it tonight and it was so astounding. I mean, all the power you can imagine. And then the second thing Piper said which further affirmed what God was showing me, he was talking about the grace that has been revealed to us, and how important it is to us after our eyes have been opened, (btw, I recommend again, that you go watch the sermon, it will be up monday or tuesday) and he says regarding this wonderful grace, "No one will ever, ever take it from me again." And writing it seems so weak after hearing him say it with all the passion that God has given him. But that made me think again about how much power we have. I thought about the passage that says nothing will ever separate us from the love of God. That passage is so full of... power! It is such a powerful passage! I also thought about Christ on the cross. The image from the Passion of the Christ came to my mind where Christ is on the cross, and I remembered being asked a long time ago, what comes to mind when you look at this picture? and my reaction was, love? compassion for mankind? pity? sacrifice? But the answer given, was none of these. It was POWER. When you look at Christ on the cross, does the word power really come to mind? And i was thinking, that really is the epitome of power. Christ was displaying all of his infinite power on the cross by showing that he has the POWER to defeat death once, and for all... That is powerful. That is soooo powerful. It's easy for the word power to come to mind when we envision Christ on a giant and intimidating horse with a robe dipped in blood and eyes of fire. But we need to realize that Christ was displaying just as much power on the Cross than he ever will. And we have that power! Which is incredible, and which made me think about martyrs and what there faces must look like before they are burned, beheaded, crucified, tortured, etc... What a glorious thing... There is no fear! There is no shame! There is only power! They face death with a smile because they know that there is nothing whatsoever to fear about death or whatever anyone will do to them. It's nothing to be feared! It's not even a bad day!!!! That is so incredible. So with that in my head, I was at complete peace when I left the sanctuary with this knowledge about myself and how low I am, because I knew full well what power is in me. God's power is in me. Nothing... nothing.... will ever separate me from his loving, so loving, arms. And I will never fear anything, because there is nothing that will ever happen that will take him away from me. He is all I want, and oh how wonderful he gives himself freely and completely!

Random Musings

2008-11-08T19:45:00.002-06:00

So a few things are on my heart. I want to write them out to make sure they stay in my head. One is I'm really loving how God is making my heart tender in worship lately. I've already written about this I think, but its every saturday night. (I usually go to corporate worship on saturday nights.) God makes my heart tender every week. My mind is cleared of everything. I realize what I've been doing to offend God, I realize what I need to start doing to experience more delight in God and show his glory more. the lyrics of the music we sing really get to my heart and I end up fighting away tears each week. It makes me so happy to have a tender heart. At least, on saturday night I am happy. I'm given a new sense and awareness of the grace that God has poured out on me and continues to pour out on me each morning, each day, and each night. The challenge I'm facing now is having a tender heart all week. Being sensitive to God's leading every day of the week. That is so hard for me right now. I lose the tenderness and I forget what God tells me during corporate worship. I become out of tune with God's voice. That is the biggest challenge I'm facing right now. But I realized something tonight. I realize something every week. At least one thing. I'm going to post separately on what I realized tonight. But man, I'm just so thankful to God lately for the desire He's given me for worship. Every week, I'm just waiting for the next saturday night. I can't wait for it every week. I love it every week. I love going to church so much! Even though that phrase falls short in a couple ways. I just want others to have the desire that God's given me. I mean, I know I didn't have this desire awhile ago. If someone asked me, "Why do you go to church?" um, tradition? habit? "fellowshipping" with the same friends I hang out with all the time? man, now if someone asks me, which I almost want them to so I can say out loud what I feel in my heart, I would reply, ugh, I love going to corporate worship so much. I love meeting God in a place with so many other believers and getting lost in the presence of God, and having my eyes opened and my heart softened. So with that said I've been wanting to say that for a little while. Nest up, I want to post some thoughts on power that I had tonight. Thanks for reading friends

Forgotten Truth #4

2008-11-02T22:44:00.002-06:00

I've forgotten that there is always something wrong with the way that I am living. Something that I knew I think back in my senior year of high school better than I know now. It's something that I've definitely forgotten. It's something thats hard to remember as well. It's been easy lately, or always, I guess, to just think that I've got everything held down okay. Sometimes I just think I'm doing okay with everything, other times, (like lately) I just don't think about how much I'm sinning. I need to start taking sin more seriously and treat it like the evil that it is. I need to HATE sin. I can't have anything to do with it. It should be such a stench to me. And I'm not just talking about lusting or even lying or even not reading my Bible one day, although I definitely am including that, I'm talking about the things I make jokes out of. Like something I watch in a tv show like seinfeld or just joking around about things that are evil. I don't treat them as evil, but they definitely are. I need to remember that there is always something wrong with the way I'm living. I shouldn't be trying to hide or forget about my sin and my failure, I should recognize it for what it is and confess it to God. Do not make light of sin... it is so easy to do it seems with me and my friends and my age group. If something is sin, don't joke about it. Call it out for what it is and make sure it doesn't exist in your life. But remember, like I need to do, that there is always sin in your life. The moment we stop realizing our sin is the moment we are forgetting how huge Christ's sacrifice and love for us actually is. I hope you are reminded and encouraged in reading this, reminded to ask God to expose your sin that you may be blind to, and encouraged in the fact that God forgives the sin that we have yet to even see and hate.

sermon on sunday, or, corporate worship in general lately

2008-10-29T21:55:00.003-05:00

Well, I wanted to post on the sermon last saturday night because it was really worshipful, and I also want to post on corporate worship lately in general. Man it was a great sermon sunday. I would recommend that everyone reading this goes and watches it. It was the second week in the missions focus. The first week was some guy I didn't know from some seminary and this last week was John Piper. Like, I knew that John Piper was a good preacher/pastor, but I never knew as good as I do now. He is the kind of man that you just want to follow, no matter what your leaving behind. He's just so passionate that you get drawn into that passion, its contagious. And that's how God wants us to be. That's how God is, which is something that I'm learning. But the sermon was so good. It was on the prosperity gospel and the negative effect that has on missions and the necessity of missions. Actually, I remember last year thinking that I would never become a missionary. I was so against it because I knew that God wanted me here in america to minister to americans. The forgotten americans. I still am all for that, but I tell you what, if I was against being a missionary before, that one sermon may have warmed me up to the idea more than I ever thought was possible. At least last year. Not saying that I'm considering being a missionary or something... but that sermon has awakened some interesting thoughts. Like, how I love asian culture so much, and how I have such an independent personality, and how I'm single and don't really desire a relationship.... just some interesting thoughts that i've never considered before. I'm going to get a missionary biography and read it... due to the instructions in the sermon, which, if i haven't said it yet, you really should go listen to it. But yeah, all the worship times have been incredible though. The music at bethlehem is so awesome. It's just so clean, and I actually heard Piper say in a seminar that when they discussed how they wanted the music in the church, they decided that the congregations voices should be the loudest instrument that is heard. I think they definitely accomplish that and it is so awesome. The worship leaders are so passionate and they draw you into worship of Jesus. Actually, almost every week, when I'm singing, I get lost in worship and think about the past and what God has brought me through and given me in the past and taken away, and I usually cant finish the end of a song because i get too choked up. But yea, I just recommend you go listen to that sermon, because it was very good. I dont really know if thats the right word, I dont think it is, but i feel like i cant write right now or think or something. so I I think i at least said most of what I wanted to say

Yeah, I feel like I really couldn't think when I was writing this. There was a lot more that I wanted to say though, so hopefully I'll get my act together and come back

omelette of the day!

2008-10-22T23:07:00.005-05:00

update: get this crap outta here. I was sick of looking at that picture. also, the blogs messed up now. stupid thing. i swear, i want to just delete the thing.

Why I am Single: Intentions

2008-10-20T23:42:00.004-05:00

Let me first start with what I do not intend to accomplish through this series. The purpose of this series is NOT to

1) convict people: I do not want people to think that the purpose for posting this is to get them to realize the mistakes of there decisions. As if I am trying in an indirect way to tell someone I may know that they are making the wrong choice by going out with this or that girl or guy. This is NOT my intention.

2) get people to think that I think that I'm higher and mightier and holier than all you non-single people. That because I am single, I must be fully devoted to God and you non-single sinners cannot possibly be fully devoted to God because you are so taken up in this thing called love. This is NOT my intention.

3) convince anyone that they should be single just because I am single. This is NOT my intention.

Now, the purpose if this series IS

1) Complete and utter honesty and humility. Always. I want to be honest in everything I say, even if it may be hard to say it. I want to be humble in all that I say, so as to give glory to God and make Him the focus of everything. This IS my intention.

2) To perhaps encourage someone who is single that there is nothing wrong with his current state no matter what anyone else tells them. To encourage them also to be more fully devoted to Christ alone, without the worry of singleness getting in the way. This IS my intention.

3) To convey from my experience with dating and my experience with being single the pros and cons of both from a non-personal viewpoint. This IS my intention.

4) To convey from my experience the reasons I personally love being single and perhaps why at times, I may not like it so much. This IS my intention.

With that said I guess I'm ready to get into the reasons.... I'm sure that other thoughts will come up later about maybe other intentions I hadn't thought of, or changed intentions, or things of the sort. If this happens, or when it does, I will go back and edit this post or others as need be. When I edit, I will post that there has been an update to this post and you can go back and read what I may have changed. Thank you, peace.

Why I am Single: Introduction

2008-10-20T23:09:00.003-05:00

Well, then. I started posting, I got really far and I figured out that I'm gunna need alot more room and time to write everything that I need to say about what I'm going to say. So, this is the beginning of a series. Which is pretty awesome considering I've never had a series on this blog (however, I do consider "forgotten truths" to be a series and I plan to keep that going). Well, the topic: singleness. I am going to start a series on why I am single. For an introduction though, I want to say how this idea came to be. I have been noticing that a significant amount of my friends are in a relationship with somebody. I haven't really noticed before. In this realization, I've been of course, reminded of my own singleness. So this is the start of the series, why I am single. The second post in the series will explain what my intentions are, and what my intentions are not. There are many disclaimers, it turns out, that need to be said I guess in order to make my point. So with that said, I pray that God will use this to encourage me and remind me of some things and teach me some things and I pray the same for you. ...peace.

Cloud Cult

2008-10-17T22:20:00.003-05:00

Here's some cloud cult videos I found of songs off the new album:

No One Said it Would be Easy- first song on the album:

When Water Comes to Life- I dont know if the video really does justice to the meaning of the song, but its still a good song and well-done video:

Everybody here is a Cloud- the album version is sooooo much better. still a great video.

Hurricane and Fire Survival Guide- good way to see what it's like to see them live, I hope I get to some day. .... i love this song

A Grandson of Jesus- not the best video but the audio's pretty good for live:

Love You All- last song on the album...

Forgotten Truth #3

2008-10-17T20:56:00.004-05:00

Forgotten Truth #3

I've forgotten how important it is to encourage others. I've gotten caught up so much in my own life, my own desires, my own problems, my own bad day at work, my own lack of money, whatever. When I am so caught up in myself, I will never realize others. I will never realize that there are other people right next to me that may have had the worst day at work, or need help doing something, or need anything from me. I've forgotten the importance of always saying hello to the people around me and always asking them how there day is going, everyone. especially people in the church. I need to definitely start making more relationships within my current local church. It doesn't matter if they don't share the same interests or if they aren't my age, or if there married, young couples that I think I won't be able to relate to. I need to remind myself of the importance of real, honest, edifying fellowship within the church between all members.

1 Thess. 5 is an awesome passage. It's talking about the day of the Lord, when he will return. It discusses the way in which God will return, like "a thief in the night". "While people are saying, 'There is peace and security,' then sudden destruction will come upon them as labor pains come upon a pregnant woman, and they will not escape." What should our reaction to this be? Worry, anxiety? now way, instead Paul commands us to encourage each other.

vs. 6

"So then, let us not sleep, as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober." also,

vs. 11

"Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are doing."

This is such an encouraging passage for me. It is a reminder of one main thing, God's return. and the second reminder is the reaction to this truth: encourage one another. What does this look like? Well, first of all, like I already mentioned, it means always saying hello to your brothers and sisters in the body of Christ, and pursuing a real conversation with them. Finding out how there relationship with Christ is lately, find out how there life is going, how they are reaching out to the lost... etc... Oh how I wish the people in church would ask me how my relationship with Christ is and what I'm doing to reach out. I need that accountability. always. I need, we need the body of Christ so bad. We cannot make it on our own. This is such a huge thing for me, because I tend to be kind of a loner. It's just the way I am, but I always realize sooner or later (like now) how badly I need the church. I need the accountability and encouragement in Christ that can only be found in the church. But right now, I'm reminding myself that first, I need to be that encouragement to others. Don't ever ever blame your problems on others. You need to be the change, (through Christ, Christ through you) with that said, I'm reminding myself now that I need to start hardcore encouraging other people. Especially people in the church, and especially people I don't know in the church. There is no excuse, no excuse at all for not knowing and loving every single person in your local church. There is no excuse. No matter how big the church. I'm reminded to stop talking to the same people (not much applicable anymore seeing as I don't know many people here, but I still talk to the same people online whatever, and don't talk to new people, so it applies in this way). I need to build relationships through the power and love of Christ that unites us all. His coming is near, so I need to start encouraging others around me of this glorious promise. I hope you are encouraged as you read this to start encouraging others more than you have been. I hope you are reminded to start real, in depth conversations with people in your local church that you haven't ever really talked to very much.

Forgotten Truth #2

2008-10-17T20:43:00.003-05:00

Forgotten Truth #2

I've forgotten how important the study of theological truth is. I used to read and listen to a lot of sermons, look up articles on theology online, discuss theology with friends or my mentor, read books by theologians. I've definitely lost that. I try to read now, but I find that other things are always taking precedence over what's important. I'd like to get into some good books again, but other things hold my attention easier and quicker. I know this must change. This is at least a reminder, I need to come up with a plan through God's good grace to get back into things. Obviously, I'm learning through my classes, but I need to start taking advantage of all the truth available to me.

"Brothers, do not be children in your thinking. Be infants in evil, but in your thinking, be mature." 1 cor. 14:20

This verse makes me wonder how "mature" in evil I really am. I mean, I watch worldly movies, worldly tv shows, play worldly video games.... that's just something to think about as I approach this verse. I need to remember to put away the things of the world, put away all evil, and focus on what's important: training my mind in the things of God. I hope this is a reminder to you to put away the things of the world and focus on training your mind in righteousness. I hope you are encouraged to look further and deeper and examine your faith, as we are instructed in God's word.

Forgotten Truth #1

2008-10-17T20:30:00.004-05:00

Forgotten Truth #1:

I've forgotten how satisfying God is. I've forgotten that he is the most satisfying thing, person, over every single other thing. Wow, it feels so good just to even write that down. It puts me in my place. mmmmmm... I've trusted so many things lately. The thing is, the things that I've been trusting, I don't have anymore, as ironic as that is... I'm still trusting in friends, even though I don't have any here. Which is interesting to think about. I'm trusting in friends in that I want to be with friends so bad. I think about it all the time, about missing friends back home, about finding friends with similar interests here... it takes over. It's not wrong obviously to miss friends or to want to make new ones, I know that, but that longing has taken my eyes off my Best Friend. The best friend I have ever had and still had. Man I want to cry thinking about it. I'm remembering a certain time in my life that was particularly hard, and I didn't really have the friends that I used to. I lost old friends and was inbetween making new ones. In that time I felt so lonely it hurt so bad. But God held me so many times and reminded me that he is always my best friend. He sticks closer than a brother. Man, I love that verse so much. I remember a friend writing that to me in a letter awhile ago. It stuck with me ever since. God is so awesome. I think writing what I've forgotten is one of the best ideas i've ever had... I've been reminded of how close God is to me. He loves me and sticks closer than a brother. I love that verse. I love my brothers. I have such a respect for my older brother, and we've been through so much together. I know he would do anything for me if I asked. He's corrected me, encouraged me, and my past with him means so much to me. and then I think about God. And how he will always stick closer than my older brother. I love that so much. I love you God, I'm sorry I've forgotten how satisfying you really are. He is so satisfying! How could I even find any comfort in anything else! and the thing is, i've been trying to find comfort in something that isn't there. friends. and thats only one example I mentioned. God is such a friend. wow. I hope you are reminded in my reminder to myself, or rather, God's reminder to me of his love. I hope you are encouraged if life is hard right now. And for God's sake, I hope you are not trying to find satisfaction in anything other than God and who he is.

contrary to popular belief, this post isn't about facebook

2008-10-16T23:26:00.002-05:00

well, i dont think it's going to be. You see, I had something I really wanted to post about, I thought about it the other day, and now I forgot what it is. The only thing i remember is what i was going to name the title because what I was thinking about wasn't about facebook, which I said I was going to post about soon. hehe. So maybe now that I've forgotten what I was originally going to write about, I may end up actually writing about facebook. I wanted to write about the day I got one for the sake of irony and also proving how much of a hypocrite I am. But anyways, something I do want to say before I say whatever it is I came on to say, I decided I kind of like having this blog with not alot of people knowing about it. I decided I like how I don't have to worry about having alot of comments when I come back. I'm considering even taking the site off of my facebook profile. I like the freedom I have with a non famous blog. Now that I have a facebook I realize how public it is. It's almost... well, that's for another time i think. I like how this blog is still pretty private. It's nice. With that said, what do I need to write about? Man, I want to know what I wanted to blog about. I want to think for once. well, maybe twice. I remember having good conversations at one point in my life... But, I must confess, publicly I guess, as public as this gets, that I didn't read my Bible yesterday and I'm pretty sure I didn't read it the day before. Just been tired then getting to bed late and wanting to get right to bed so I can face the next grueling day of work. ugh. Don't fool yourself jared, you are on the stormy sea for sure right now, and one look at anything else other than those burning, loving eyes of you savior, and you will sink so fast you wont know what hit you. that icy, black water will cover your head and you will lose consciousness before long. That's why I can't remember what I wanted to post about. I've been feeding on, well, I guess for the sake of not being crude I won't mention what I've been feeding on, but let me tell you, it's crude. Or let the Bible tell you at least. so that also being said, there is a good reminder of the need to stay focused in a rough time. But on another note, a lighter note i guess, I got three new cds the other day at a pretty sweet record store near here. I got efterklang's new one, king crimson's discipline, and cloud cult's new one. Cloud Cult is the favorite right now, I really like the new album. The lyrics are surprisingly uplifting. I guess not completely surprising, because the lyrics in the last album were somewhat uplifting, but almost all of the lyrics on this new one talk about wanting to go up. Wanting to go in a new direction. Very uplifting stuff. It makes me sad though, because craig minowa really seems like he wants to find the creator. he even says it in one song, that he's going to find the creator. He just doesn't know where to look or what to expect. It's sad because I really want him to know that there is a creator and he is better than any of us could of ever imagined. interesting stuff. his music is still encouraging though to listen to. which is good for me right now. King crimson's album is just ridiculous. 7 songs of musical and lyrical incredibleness. I love it. The lyrics are awesomely written and the way that they connect with the polyrythms is just awesome. good stuff. and of course efterklang ive been waiting a long time for. I love his voice. not much comment on them right now though. I kind of like them to remain not known. hehe. aight well, for whatever this post was worth, I guess it got me thinking a little, which I always need. hopefully what I was going to post about will come back to me. and there's always facebook to post about. also wondering how much that is worth posting about. It's hard to be honest sometimes, but I do feel kind of down. I feel lonely. It's tough to say that on here because I'm afraid of it being taken the wrong way or whatever, I think i just need to let that go and strive to be as honest as I possibly can at all times. so, with that also being said, honestly, I feel like i've forgotten a lot of things lately. I think I'll post on that. I'll start writing down the things that I feel like I've forgotten and I'll post on them. now i cant forget either because the ideas in here already. peace.

Hymn for the night- Calm Me, Oh God

2008-10-07T20:12:00.003-05:00

Calm Me, Oh God- because there are times you really feel like you need Him there even though you always do and He always is...

Calm me, my God, and keep me calm,
Soft resting on Thy breast;
Sooth me with holy hymn and psalm,
And bid my spirit rest.

Calm me, my God, and keep me calm;
Let Thine outstretchèd wing
Be like the shade of Elim’s palm
Beside her desert spring.

Yes, keep me calm, though loud and rude
The sounds my ear that greet,
Calm in the closet’s solitude,
Calm in the bustling street;

Calm in the hour of buoyant health,
Calm in my hour of pain;
Calm in my poverty or wealth
Calm in my loss or gain;

Calm in the sufferance of wrong,
Like Him Who bore my shame,
Calm ’mid the threatening, taunting throng
Who hate Thy holy Name;

Calm as the ray of sun or star
Which storms assail in vain;
Moving unruffled through earth’s war,
The eternal calm to gain.

renovation

2008-10-06T21:49:00.002-05:00

Update: i've been told it looks good how it is. so my apology is over. and the body mods. thanks.

sorry about the body mods.... i'm working things out... it might take awhile to get everything situated with the layout and junk. thanks

anniversary. well, kind of.

2008-09-30T23:54:00.003-05:00

I forgot to mention that this blog is over a year old. I missed the actual anniversary I guess. hmm typical of a man to forget the anniversary i guess. that's funny. well just thought i'd throw that out there. I feel pretty good about keeping this baby alive for over a year.

On a Lighter Note

2008-09-30T21:41:00.003-05:00

on a lighter note:
9:30 PM
me: dude some girls dropped off some kind of mystery stew for my apartment building i think i'm gunna have some for dinna
hehe
adam: i would... so long as it smells good and the girls weren't hippies or witches
me: i like the way you think
it smells good
its got potatoes and beef what more could a man ask for?
adam: well... if there's beef, nothing
me: hehe exactly
mmm it smells like shepherds pie
adam: ooh, good stuff
me: i'm not sure how to treat it tho its more like a casserole
adam: i would...
eat it
lol
me: o yea dude
thats wat i'm doin
its good
mmmmmmm
adam: sweet
me: warms my soul
adam: LOL
well... while u enjoy that i will relive my bladder
me: nice i might post this on my blog
adam: alright, haha
me: hehe
adam: brb
me: k

side note: adam is watching return of the king, the third movie in the famed lord of the rings trilogy, for the second time this month. thank you.

The things we think we know

2008-09-30T18:11:00.002-05:00

I'm astounded so many times by how stupid I am. Mainly in regards to making plans for myself. To make a long story short, I never, ever know what I'm getting myself into. Or rather, what God is getting me into. So last year I went to bible school in south carolina, 782 miles away from where I grew up. Why? who knows? I went because I thought it was the right thing for me to do at the time, the same reason I do everything I guess. I went because I may have felt a call to "the ministry" (in other words, to be a pastor or something along those lines). So I lasted the first year at bible college, gradually getting the feeling that I shouldn't really be there. Why? who knows? I just didn't feel the need to be there that I felt when I left to go there. I thought maybe I was being called to leave everything. Become an urban monk if you will. Leave all money and food and go live homeless in a city in order to reach the homeless in the city. That didn't happen either, yet, anyway. Somehow I ended up in Minneapolis Minnesota which is 975 miles away from where I grew up. How did I get here? Why am I here? who knows? I know I don't. And I was reminded last night of how little I really know. Last night, I got home from class and a guy is shot dead across the street. What's more, this isn't that unusual. As I watched from across the street before the cops told us to go inside, God whispered something into my ear like He usually does when I need to know something. "I have you here for a reason" He never says much, just what I need to hear. I heard it and didn't think much about it until later. until now. I'm here for a reason? I have certainly forgot that, if I ever really knew it. It's hard to remember sometimes why I've been the places I've been. Why I go to school for a year in sc expecting to stay there for four years at least, and then end up mpls mn the next year. Where will I be next year? What will happen to me while I'm here? Will there even be a next year? What's the purpose for all this? who knows? hmm God knows. Actually, to be painfully honest with you, and myself, He's the only one who does know. Sometimes I wonder why I went to school in south carolina last year, what was the purpose of something random like that? Sometimes I wonder how I ended up here, sometimes I wonder if I'll ever see some of my best friends and brothers ever again. Then I'm reminded at times like these, everything happens for a purpose. Every single thing that has ever happened to me, every person I've ever met or even just said hi to or looked at, it all happened for a purpose. I think of chuck in kentucky, is he even alive anymore? I think of aaron, i think of eli, and if he's staying faithful in a new place, I think of scott and where God will take his life, I think of the guys on my hall last year and benito and andre. It all happened for a purpose. Most of those purposes have already been evident to me. ....most. I look back on last year and before that, and alot of my life has already been explained to me by God. He's told me why most things have happened, and why I've been where I've been and met who I've met. Some things He hasn't told me though. He never tells me what I'm getting into. That's for sure. He didn't tell me last year that I would end up here in Minneapolis, He didn't tell me two years ago that I would end up in South Carolina to go to school, but I would only stay there for a year.... I'm reminded of how little I really know. When people even ask me how I'm doing now I'm afraid to answer with anything but, "I have no idea, the only one who could possibly know how I'm doing is God. I never know" And thats just how I'm doing. Let's not even get into how much I don't know and can't know about "future plans". Whatever that is. future plans... thats a contradiction right there. How stupid it is to say that we have "future plans". That's one of the biggest questions too. "Oh your only going through the program for a year? What are plans for next year?" And of course, I never say what I want to... so what comes out of my mouth? "Oh well I think I might stay here and go to the music school in St. Paul for sound engineering". psh, yeah right! Why can't I ever say what I want to say? Why can't I ever actually admit what I know is true? I have no idea where I'm going to be next year! I could be in some other country next year. I could be in jail next year. (gasp!). I could be homeless next year. I could be back at ciu next year. I could be in asheville next year. I could be in heaven next year with Jesus. Who knows? well, God does. I base my whole life on the fact that God knows. or I should anyways. There were times at school last year that I hated life and I didn't see any reason for being there. But then I think of benito and andre and the military ministry at fort jackson. I know the reason I was there now, and I am so thankful for it. I wouldn't trade anything that has ever happened to me in the past for anything else. Even my mistakes in high school or before that, I would never trade them for anything. God used my situation to teach me and grow me and bring me closer to Him, and He didn't only use the situation, He created it. Before time began. So what does this mean for me? What do I do? Well, in light of last night, the thing I know I need to do right now is stop wasting time. I've wasted too much time. There's people I need to say hi to, people I need to smile at, people I need to really talk to, people that need to hear something I have to say. I used to care too. I used to really care alot more when I wouldn't reach out to someone. It would really kill me. Now I've lost it. I guess maybe because it's just overwhelming being here. Man, and now there's guys out there talking through a megaphone about hope and the somalian community and i'm in here blogging. How much is this blog worth? Should I really be sitting here typing? or should I be out there talking to these guys, getting there names, shaking there hands and thanking them for being out there. Gosh, I don't know if I'm ready for this. But I guess if I'm here, God must have thought I was ready. At least ready to come here and not be ready. Ready to come here and be shocked out of the filth i lay in all day. It was a shock to my system last night. Almost like a gunshot. Sent to shake me out of not caring. Well I'm done typing I guess. I feel like I've wasted enough time.

It's good to have a reminder every now and then...

2008-09-27T19:49:00.002-05:00

Things you need to know about this blog

2008-09-26T16:59:00.004-05:00

1) The purpose

2) I'm not perfect

3) Comments are always more than welcome, if not needed to correct me in some cases

4) This blog is not important. There are other blogs that you should probably be reading if you're looking to be edified in your relationship with God.

5) This blog is not that important to me. Meaning basically that this blog is not my facebook. ( I may post on that soon now that I think about it. Whenever I'm ready to make alot of enemies.)

6) Do not post anonymously. See why.

7) Just because there is a long pause in my blogging doesn't mean I've turned to a life of bloglessness and vowed to never blog again. I actually kind of like this thing. Enough to keep posting i think.

So there's some things you know now about the blog. And one last thing, if you're here, I love you, because I don't think a lot of people come here. So thank you. It means a lot to me.

music videos

2008-09-25T22:15:00.002-05:00

Here's some okkerville River covers of songs from their new album. The first is Blue Tulip by bon iver and the next is ac newmann of new pornographers and will sheff

Feeling alone and being alone are two very different and usual things.

2008-09-18T22:46:00.002-05:00

Well, I was thinking that there's a lot of stuff on my mind I want to say, some of which I can write on this blog, and I was thinking that it is usually good for me to just start writing on here some thoughts and see what I can get off my chest. um, like I said, there's a lot that I'm feeling that I would love to get off my chest, but I just don't think I should post a lot of it in a setting like this. Which pushes me toward God, the all-comforter and healer who never gets tired of being satisfying to the weary. What I can say is that I have been feeling quite lonely. Sometimes there are times in life when you just feel lonely. You think about friends you may never see again that were such a blessing to you, you think about memories you have that you'll never experience again, and you come to the realization that you really don't know anyone around you. It's disconcerting. Sometimes you really want to tell someone how you feel, and there just isn't anyone. At least, no one who is man. I'm just thinking lately a lot about friends that I knew, so much has changed even in the past year of my life. A lot of things. And I get the very strong feeling, as if it was a vision of God, that more, very hard things to deal with, are coming. Fast. I don't mind change, I love traveling and getting away from what I'm used to and people I know and all that jazz. Sometimes though, things are just hard. I wonder a lot often, do memories even have value? I've been thinking about a lot of memories lately, and I wish I could just list them all or tell someone them all, but I know that they aren't going to know what I'm talking about. They weren't there. It's just tough to leave so much behind sometimes. People have left, I've left, people have changed, I have a new address, I have a new car, I have new crap to worry about, I have to find a new job, I have new ideas of what I want to do with my life, I have let down people, I've gotten in the way of some people, I've been encouraged mightily by people I won't see again in this life, the way I think has changed for good or worse, I've lost sight of things, forgotten things, destroyed things that were good, ........ if this life is only a vapor, then why am I reminded with pain of so many memories? Do they even mean anything? What worth do they have? I can't revisit them, or go back, so what's the point in even remembering things? All this to say, life is hard. I want so bad to say but..... but, however, nevertheless, yet, be that as it may, anyway.... God has not changed. I'm reminded of the hymn, Jesus, Savior Pilot Me. "As a mother stills her child, thou canst hush the oceans wild" and "When at last I near the shore, and the faithful breakers roar... ...may I hear thee say to me, 'Fear not, I will pilot thee.'" Maybe I have lost sight of that day, when I will reach the shore. Man, I haven't been to the ocean in so long, but just remembering going to New Jersey and being on the beach there in ocean grove, and no one being there on the beach, and it being a dark day with the waves coming in. Ah, so quiet and peaceful. I could just die there. Just thinking about the day when I'll reach the shore and I'll just collapse and lay in the cool sand and listen to the peace of the waves and the absence of sirens and dogs barking and music and tv and xbox and computers and businessmen and buses and cars and noise. I want to be there, don't you? Don't you just want to leave everything sometimes? Leave the job you're sick of, leave the trouble in your home, leave the people who hate you, leave the war. Gosh, I do. I want that dark, quiet, peaceful shore so bad. But today is not that day. Today is not that day. Today is the day to get back up in the strength of the One who will meet us on that shore and who is with us now in Spirit. Today is the day to get back up in His strength and get back into the pool of the human race and all the dirt and noise and busyness and problems and muck that it is made up of. "The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as others count slowness, but is patient towards you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance." gosh that is so good. Fill your mind and your heart with His promise, I know I need to...

New John Mark

2008-09-17T01:36:00.001-05:00

Man, he draws me back...

Also, Hillsong, from the inside out.

Hymn for the Night

2008-09-14T01:42:00.002-05:00

It's been awhile since I've posted a hymn in here. too long. We sung this hymn in church last week and I've never heard it before. It's a beautiful hymn, lyrically and musically.

Ah, Holy Jesus
Ah, holy Jesus, how hast Thou offended,
That man to judge Thee hath in hate pretended?
By foes derided, by Thine own rejected,
O most afflicted.

Who was the guilty? Who brought this upon Thee?
Alas, my treason, Jesus, hath undone Thee.
’Twas I, Lord, Jesus, I it was denied Thee!
I crucified Thee.

Lo, the Good Shepherd for the sheep is offered;
The slave hath sinned, and the Son hath suffered;
For man’s atonement, while he nothing heedeth,
God intercedeth.

For me, kind Jesus, was Thy incarnation,
Thy mortal sorrow, and Thy life’s oblation;
Thy death of anguish and Thy bitter passion,
For my salvation.

Therefore, kind Jesus, since I cannot pay Thee,
I do adore Thee, and will ever pray Thee,
Think on Thy pity and Thy love unswerving,
Not my deserving.

Beauty

2008-09-14T00:31:00.002-05:00

So I was in a seminar yesterday at the North site campus for Bethlehem Baptist church led by John Piper called Gravity and Gladness on sunday morning. Actually though, this post is not about that seminar. Although now that I think about it, it may not be a bad idea to start posting about stuff I learn in classes or seminars. But back to the actual point of the post. It was really good to be with a lot of people with a good worship band leading us. There weren't that many people but anyways... it reminded me of playing at gateway last year, and even more so, reminded me of playing at surge those many years ago. (2 i guess). But I got to thinking and I thought, ya know, I'm usually looking for beauty in people and stuff, and trying to get past the superficial idea of beauty that exists in american culture. But I realized yesterday that I don't think I would realize real beauty if it hit me square in the face. So after realizing this, I tried looking around at the people in the sanctuary. So many different people with different histories, memories, relationships, past suffering. People are an amazing thing to me. It's incredible how complex the human personality is. I looked around the room trying to see and realize that there is something beautiful about every person in there. It was interesting. You can kind of tell by looking at someone what their personality is like sometimes. I don't really know how to explain it. Well, half an hour later, i'm just as stupid, I still don't think I would know what real beauty is if it hit me square in the face. But, well, yeah. I don't consider it a waste of time to even attempt to explain my thoughts or figure them out. Not yet anyways. The seminar was good. I'm also realizing something lately about memories. buuuuut I think i'll save that for another time.

they're back again

2008-09-12T00:55:00.002-05:00

mewithoutyou:

our new apartment

2008-09-05T19:36:00.001-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XO2ygvM6eto

More Kaki King

2008-09-02T23:49:00.001-05:00

I guess I've been diggin her style lately. I actually do like her now -josh. haha

Can anyone who has heard this music really be a bad person?

Thoughts on life (go figure)

2008-08-28T22:31:00.003-05:00

There is a war. I guess I've forgotten. There is a war and it is real and I am in it. and sheesh, I guess I thought it would be easier than this. I find myself saying alot, "I'm not fighting this battle, that's too hard (inconvenient, annoying, time-consuming, argument-losing)." That's my first problem. The second is different, but very, very serious. What if you were in the heat of battle, bullets flying past your head. What if you had a clear view of the enemies shooting at you, then all of a sudden, their appearance changes, and they look just like all of your allies. And then you just go crazy, everyone is shooting at you now, or so it seems, so you shoot at everybody. When the smoke clears, you realize you've shot your best friend in the head. Sure, you may have killed a hundred enemies, but you shot your best friend in the head. Never to hang out with him or talk to him or be with him again. What would you take? Your best friend, dead? or a hundred enemies alive. and shooting at you. It's your decision. And the thing is, it's mine too, except sometimes, i confess, it's hard to tell who my enemies are. I sometimes forget who I'm supposed to be shooting at. That's my second problem. There are a hundred enemies shooting at me right now, well, ... one. to be exact. Who's side am I on? I honestly find it hard to answer that question. If I am on God's side, my best friend, then shouldn't I be serving more people, arguing less, respecting some people more, and giving up more of what I desire for the sake of others? I'm worried now, because I'm not doing those things, does that mean I shot my best friend in the head? It makes me worried. Sometimes it's hard to know what the right thing to do is. Sure, it's easy after the battle. It's easy to say "oh well I know what I should have said duh, I know what I said wrong and I'll just try not to do that next time". Yeah, easy to say that after. During the battle, all I'm thinking is "what can I say to win this argument? What will make them realize how wrong they are? Why don't they get it? I know this is the right thing to say because ... well, it's what I want to say, and any other alternative would be too hard to do." Man, I do it all the time. Why can't I just remember what side I'm fighting for? I'm not fighting for myself. Every time I say something disrespectful or lust, or reject the chance to serve, or fail to keep communion with God, I shoot my best friend in the head. Why don't I get this? gosh it makes me angry. So then I tell myself "alright next time, i'll do things differently, I'll pray more, I'll say the right things, I'll stay pure", but when that fiery trial comes (and it is promised to come), and the right thing to do is presented to me, I back down. I think "well, I know i said i was going to do the right thing, but I didn't think it would be this hard to do. If its this hard, it can't be right." WHat the crap did I expect?!!! A hay ride?! A war is not easy, I must be an idiot of epic proportions to believe that. Oh and I do believe that, if I haven't made that obvious. I deserve to be shot that's all i can say. If I was in a war and I saw my battle buddy picking daisies, I'd expect him to get shot. I'd be like "dude, you're gunna get a bullet in the brain and you have got it coming to you. idiot." And that's me! I mean c'mon, somethings gotta change. I need to understand that war is not easy. What If it is extremely hard? It only means that your ridiculous desires have gotten so out of hand, much like a vine, and they need to be cut down. It won't feel good you idiot, war does not feel good. Being shot at does not feel good (i don't suspect). DO the hard thing to do. When it all comes down to it, all it is is giving up. I'm presented with the right thing to do, and it is extremely hard, and I give up. I can't ignore it and say "ah, that's too hard, gimme another option". I give up what I want, I give up what I want, I give up what i want.

2008-08-17T22:12:00.003-05:00

this is for aaron

The Dark Knight comparisons, analogies, quotes and/or other various trinkets of thought (i.e. The Arcade Fire is awesome right now)

2008-08-17T21:12:00.003-05:00

Ok, I'm sorry, I am going to post on the Dark Knight, but sheesh, this song is awesome. and I found a good video too. Which makes life pretty good right about now. here, take it,

Arcade Fire- Keep the Car Running

"look at that he smashed the thing and everything." aaaah man I don't know why people don't understand. The hugeness of that video almost makes me want to cry. So much raw emotion in his voice and the way he sings his lyrics. And the lyrics are great. man. The sight of 20 freakin vocalists all singing their gut out is enough to.... aaah whatever. i'll indulge alone. because I am. and when it comes down to it, we are all alone, in a way, a human way. which leads me into dark knight. I'm sure everyone (anyone) reading this post has seen the movie. Um, if you haven't I guess you should not read this, because it may ruin the movie for you. Not that that matters, but, yeah. I just want to pull out some thoughts, as dumb as that sounds. I'm sorry but I have to do something to keep my brain alive. Well, first, joker's mentality I guess. He had some interesting quotes, which were very true. The fact that people reveal who they really are when they're staring death in the face is a very wise thing for someone who is insane to realize. obviously, it's a movie, it's not real, but there are people like the joker out there. who are real. Insane people? well, I won't judge, but to the people out there with joker's mentality, i congratulate you. You've used your brain. See, the joker also said that everyone is so busy planning. planning and scheming. But all of the schemes and plans mean nothing. All of us meager humans make our plans and think about what we know we'll do tomorrow. But wait, perhaps another person who was insane, said the same things. Plans mean nothing. Don't make plans, they're a waste of your God-given time. A glass can only spill what it contains. Both things that joker believed in. Joker was like a dog who chases cars, he wouldn't know what to do with one if he caught one. There is no meaning to anything. The obvious conclusion if you don't believe in a God. I'm just wondering, if you don't, how the crap are you not scared out of your mind? How do you not go insane? This is real. If there is no God, why not blow entire cruise ships up of people, or steal billions of dollars and burn all of it? Why, how couldn't you? seriously, I feel dumb posting about a comic book movie, as much as i hate them, but this movie raised some issues i don't think people want to deal with. I have a very good question to ask anyone i meet now (assuming they've seen the movie) would you of pulled the trigger? If you were on that cruise ship, the one with civilians, would you have blown the other ship up? what if you were the criminal? It brings up interesting issues about the depravity of man, the insanity there is without a God. And then there's the obvious similarities between the Dark Knight and Christ. Especially obvious in the end of the movie. And the main quote that provides the basis for the obvious (but most likely accidental) similarity: "You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain". Batman in the end took the blame for everything Harvey did wrong and ended up becoming hunted by the people that should have accepted and welcomed him. Batman lived long enough to become the villain. He could have died a hero, but he didn't. Christ lived long enough to become the villain. Obviously because He never stayed dead, He's still alive now, and he is still the villain to most people today. He definitely was then, I mean, He was crucified, I think that means He was the villain then. But Batman wasn't really the villain, he still helped people, the people who hated him. And Christ died for the people who hated Him. He died for us. I don't really want to write a lot about a movie... it's not really my style, but hopefully that was enough of something, and not too much. Thanks for reading. I have more thoughts for later, and gosh, that movie was awesome. Thats gonna be watched a few more times.

gnik ikak

2008-08-17T20:24:00.003-05:00

um i have some thoughts. or, i had some. they were there, now i dont feel like remembering them because they were there last night and i didn't have my computer so i couldnt post any of them. oh yeah, they were about the dark knight, cause i saw it again last night. last knight. hehe. um i'll post them later, i'm going to go make some tea, here's some kaki tho while you sit there and uh, do whatever it is all you people do.
Sad American

Bone chaos

also there was a good message this morning, maybe i'll post on that as well. later. Also, (sorry) I want to take more pictures soon, and i have an idea for a photo essay just tricky getting everywhere i need to be for it. but that's not important, this is..... ....

nachoooooooooooooooooooooooo

2008-08-03T20:51:00.003-05:00

okay so a little dumb, but I just wanted to say, i love this movie. I watched it again the other day, and the colors in this movie are uh really cool. So thank you nacho for giving the people hope that aren't called to be monks and pastors, maybe just wrestlers and rock stars. um and here's an awesome video that i've posted before, but i listened to the song on the way to church this morning and it really really made me happy.

Serutcip

2008-07-25T12:19:00.002-05:00

i'm still alive

2008-07-24T16:49:00.001-05:00

.

2008-05-27T20:24:00.001-05:00

Sorry I haven't been posting, I've been pretty busy, I still have a lot of catching up to catch up on, but just reading a little John Owen last night, I wanted to mention a quick thought. We know so little about God. We know so little about the real Jesus Christ. Thats all.

Random at the Lake

2008-05-21T12:06:00.003-05:00

Sorry about all these pictures lately.... There will probably be more though.

Scared

Three Elements

Foreign

Neon 1

Neon 2

Intimate

2008-05-19T12:47:00.003-05:00

Abstractly

2008-05-18T20:34:00.004-05:00

hope someone appreciates these...

Explorations of the Primary:

2008-05-17T11:59:00.003-05:00

Some Aaron Weiss

2008-04-26T21:39:00.004-05:00

An interview from Aaron Weiss, lead singer for mewithoutYou

This is an old video, I'm just really glad the drummer's got a beard. This song gave me chills when I saw them live

My exit unfair

Finally, some videos!

2008-04-26T19:26:00.002-05:00

St Vincent folks....

I'm sorry this one's so wierd, haha, i like the song alot and I thought the video was funny....

Jesus Saves, I Spend

Human Racing- gosh I love this song.

Now Now- nother version of another song

A song or something

2008-04-25T22:50:00.002-05:00

This is a song that my brother wrote... I don't think he'll mind if I post it, because I'm not going to mention his name, but I hope you will read these lyrics and think about what they are saying. They will never be to you what they are to me, I guarantee you.... but perhaps thought will be inspired by these words...

Eighty miles blur on past,

This moment of eternity will not last.

We are the travelers on this tiny world,

whose infinite minds will never show.

-------

Step onto this green grass.

Barefoot peace leaves so fast.

We are the idealists who live in our box,

safe and hollow from the world outside.

-----

And we never step outside to find you,

so small and so frail.

In your hands we lie broken,

so scared of the unknown.

Would you take my hand

and step into eternity with me?

Would you hold me

tight to your chest?

My beating heart feels like exploding,

And this drowning feeling just won't leave.

-----

Solitary sprout reaches to the heavens,

pining for a drop of rain.

We have just one chance

to bring glory to your name.

-----

The mighty oaks rise,

high to the skies.

Taunting and laughing at the citizens of dirt.

And its so easy for both of us

to forget that from dust we came

and to dust we will return.

I hope in time I'll be strong enough

to hold on to you,

and that maybe these roots won't

shrivel to reveal the thirst

(and God i'm so thirsty!).

------

At times I can be so fearful

and be so fake.

I tremble in your heights,

the depths of you overwhelm me.

Sun is burning so bright.

Can you see me wrapped up

in these vain fears?

Time is passing so fast,

do you see me fading?

Can you reach me

would you reach me now?

-------

Out of these endless miles,

out of your timeless reach.

A moments longing, then I'm gone.

Do you see me would you save me?

I fear I am fading into what

is so sorrowful yet so beautiful.

------

I fear I will lose you,

so can you reach me,

would you save me now?

-------

80 miles blur on past

eternity just will not last.

We are the travelers on this tiny world.

Will you see me? Would you save us?

Random thoughts

2008-04-25T22:16:00.003-05:00

I think i'm going to just post some thoughts and see what comes out. Just thinking about appearance and how important it is to us mere humans. Why do we care so much about people looking at us and what people think of us? Maybe it's just the culture. It is rooted so deep though. So deep most of the time none of us even realize it. We dress to impress, change our style, change our clothes, change our hair, so that people will think about us. The problem is, it's rooted so deep, you have probably already stopped reading by now due to the irrelevance of this article to your life. .....or so you think. Well, I cannot judge your thoughts, motives, ...your heart, so i am tempted to stop now so i dont waste your time. But what you may not understand is that at this point I am not writing for your sake. I am not writing because I saw the inside of your heart yesterday and i felt as if i needed to address your problems. thats ridiculous. I am writing for my own sake. I am writing because I know I want people to look at me and have positive thoughts in their head. This is a confession, which i also know is good for me to put into words, whether or not anyone reads this. it doesnt matter. me caring if people read this and how many comments i get or whatever is all part of the whole: my appearance. It is real, and it exists in me. I know this. and it goes so deep. It's not just like I wear that shirt because i think that people are going to think higher of me, it's much much deeper. It's more like I wont say something i'm thinking because i'm worried people won't understand. It's that feeling i get when someone tells me I took a good picture. ugh. Humility is such a hard concept to grasp. Why does it seem like everyone gets it but me? It is a shifty concept, when you think you've attained it, you have lost it. It's not something you can hold on to, like its something you own. You dont own humility. you can never own humility, because when you claim to own it, you are farthest from it. I am not humble. But in saying that, am I only trying to be humble? perhaps. for what does someone who wants to be humble do? tell other people that he is humble? no, people know fakes when they see them, ironically. ...some may say to me that in denying my humility, i am truly being humble, oh but no! for if I am being humble in the denying of the fact, i will deny the fact, so that i can appear humble, and "own" humility, and in so doing, lose all humility. Do you understand what I mean when I tell you that humility is a hard concept to grasp? funny, of course it is a hard concept to grasp. If you grasp it, you lose it. Are we to try being humble, as if it was something attainable? no I think not... Then what are we doing? What should we be doing? well, the most general sense and the sunday school answer, loving God with all our hearts minds etc. But wait, is this just the sunday school answer? are we tempted to skip past this in order to get to the more complex issues, like how to be humble? Maybe we have it all wrong. A requirement, a prerequisite of loving God with all of ourselves is to leave ourselves in the dust. with all of our trying and effort and "humility".... leave it all in the dust. To love God is to abandon ourselves. There is no other way. Self-abandonment, is this humility? Why does it matter? Why do we even talk about humility? Why would we even call someone humble, as if theyre doing it right? Perhaps the answer to all of these questions is because we have not left ourselves in the dirt. We have not abandoned ourselves and our desires and our "needs" and our loves and affections and our worries and our "humility"..... hmmmm. Why do I care if someone reads this post? (because I do, way deep down) Why do I care if someone doesn't like one of my favorite pictures or if they don't understand me? Perhaps because I haven't left myself in the dirt... i still feed myself, clothe myself........

Hymn for the night- It is well

2008-04-25T22:08:00.002-05:00

...no comment needed, hopefully...

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

----------------
Now playing: Shane & Shane - It Is Well
via FoxyTunes

Black and White- old and new

2008-04-17T19:40:00.002-05:00

Escape

Flow

Which One?

Wood and Iron

Wood and Iron 2

GO GECKO GO!!

2008-04-15T21:55:00.002-05:00

I am King of this Log

Sunbathing

Dinna

The Eye

Of course there's more, like always, you know how it is......